7- [Re-love .. him;*!]

[ana mallait mn door il karama ..

le3bat il '3ufran..!]

.

.

I stared ib my mobile screen ..

and whispered to my self ;

" CAN I CRY NOW?? "

I took a shower ..

and prayed rak3etain ..

I didn't cry ib my whole life kither haL 10 mins..

bil sejooud walla I put my head

3ala ilfloor .. ag3ad abchi abchi abchi ,

laima a7es rasi sadda3 ..

a7essa yanbeth mn ilbache ..

I knew enna Im not that kind of girls ..

ana mu elli astaheL akkalem wa7ed

mara7 atzaweja .. Or even a7ibbah!

ana mu elli astaheL ashtery eezee

cards oo t-shirts oo jeans for a 25 years guy!

mu ana elli arou7 masaf6 jam3eyya

to give him the stuff ..

oo for what??

3alshan ya5eth my t-shirt oo yalbes'ha while dating another girl?

wella 3alshan adesh facebook and flickr oo alga kil his contacts girls!

oo kiloohum ashkara fe miyana oo suwalif etfasheL ..

ana ma astaheL enny a7eb wa7ed tawa metjannis !!

laish ya3ne? for what??

I remembered kalam my mother One day ..

galat li ; " Shayookha ..

etha sheftay kil ilnas etsawey something wrong ..

mu ma3nata enhum sa7 ,,

mahma enteshar il wrong oo

mahma ektharaw elli esawounah! "

IT'S NOT OK TO KNOW GUYS ..

IT'S NOT OK TO LIE 3ALA MY MOM ..

IT'S NOT OK TO DATE HIM EB

PARKING JAM3EYA OO GIVE HIM THE STUFF ..

IT'S NOT OK TO LIE ABOUT YOUR NAME OR AGE..

IT'S JUST .. NOTTTTT!!

I whispered while ana sajda ..

oo tears 3ala ilfloor ..

" God,

Im a human ..

oo you gave me my souL ..

3alshan adeer bali 3alaiha

oo to try my best ennha etkoon

good and healthy .. bas ana shenu Now??

Im just living a fucking nightmare..!

kil ma a7ad ejees my mobile atkahrab ..

ma adesh msn ella alone..

kella achatheb 3ala ilboys elii eb msn..

FOR WHATTTTTT??

etha ana mara7 atsanna3 for my self ..

please god help me enny atsanna3 for my mother ..

7aramm , she did her best 3alshan etrabbenah ..

I don't wana turn into slut oneday ..

please god..! "

.

.

after few days ..

I called my father ..

around 10 am ..

kan 3endi break bil jam3a ..

fa I went to my car oo called him ..

Shaikha : " Saba7 ilkhair yuba .. "

my father : " hala walla .. "

Shaikha : " yuba shlonek? "

my father : " na7med allah oo nashkera ..

entay shloonch? "

a7is wedda egooli okay? shenu tabeen?

oo I DONT WANT THAT! ..

don't I have the right to call my daddy oo asoolif m3ah?

lazim I called 3alshan abe shay or fene shay??

Shaikha : " ana zaina yuba .. "

I choked ..

Shaikha : " yuba agdar a6la3 ma3ak neshrab qahwa ?

ay yoom tabeeh? .. ay sa3a etnasbek .. oo ay mokan .. "

akward silence ..

Shaikha : " yuba? "

My father : " hala? "

Shaikha : " sema3tne?? ..

I want to .. "

I choked ..

oo Start crying ..

I needed him ,

tawni astaw3eb hal fact!

abeeh! .. even etha uhwa ma yabene!!

ana abeeh! .. kaife!

my father oo I want him ib my life ..

my father : " Shfeech yuba? "

for the first time a7es enna he cares!

a7is enna weddah a7ad ellageh

wayh 3alshan he do the same ..

weddah a7ad ekalma .. yefta7lah galbah ..

yan6er..!

Shaikha : " Im .. Im .. yuba .. I want you ..

ana laish ma 3endi obo nafs kil ilnas??

if you are dead engooL ya 7aiiL allah!

bas enta alive oo in the country

oo ilmasafa bain your house

oo ours 5 mins ..

oo ma ashofek ella kil cham shahar?? .. "

He choked ..

I felt ennahh ensedam mn kalame ..

makan metwagge3..

my father : " is that for the car thing? "

I yelled : " NOOOOOOOOOOOO! SHAKOOOOO? ..

*Sneef* .. 6aqaq e6eq ilcar .. *Sneef* ..

I don't have a father to ask for a car..! "

sekaaaaaaat ..

et3arfoon laima someone yesraaaaaaaaaaa7 ..

Shaikha : " yuba ,

I told my mother enna I wanna

relationship with you ..

a healthy relation between bint

oo her daddy .. abii et3arfne oo a3arfek .. "

ga6a3ne ..

my father : " Bas ya shaikha .. ana a3rfech! "

I cried harder ..

Shaikha : " Nooo you don't!! .. walla you don't! ..

what's my fav. color? ..

what's my fav. place? ..

shinu a7eb oo shinu akrah?

menu refejaty? ...

shinu weddi at5assas bil jam3a? .. "

*Sneef* .. *Sneef*

Shaikha : " yuba do you the answers

3ala hal stupid questions?

No you don't! ..

oo 7ettana! ..

I don't know a tinny thing about you ..

the reaaaaL you .. mu il ID informations! .. "

my father sekat for a few seconds ..

chan egooL in a calm voice :

" sh3endich today at 5 pm? "

I smiled ..

oo kil wayhi dmoo3 ..

Shaikha : " Nothing .. "

my father : " khalas .. la tabcheen Shaikha ..

I'll pick you around 5 pm oo enrou7

ay mokan ensoolif ..

okay ? "

I choked with my happiness ..

Shaikha : " okay .. khalas deaL .. "

I went back Home around 2 pm ...

took a Quick Shower oo libast a cute

topshop long black dress feeh

wayid details bas killa bil black ,

very long .. ya3ni channa tall dress ..

bas sheber ebayyen ta7at ..

with black legging ..

and grey laffa ..

ma3a small blig blig clutch ...

He called me around 5:15 pm

my father : " ha yuba? ana dashait ilserra tara .. "

Shaikha : " okay yalla kane 6al3a .. "

nezalt down stares ..

wella Omi oo fahad ga3den

bil living room eshofon alrai tv.

I kissed my mother's head ..

Shaikha : " yala bye bye .. "

fahad : " wain betrou7een? "

I smiled : " ba6la3 ma3a oboy .. "

his eyes poped out oo refa3 his eyebrows ..

fahad : " huh., she6are? "

I smiled , 3ady.. ilsou'aL man6eqie!!

Shaikha : " bas..! ana abii aser good weyah ..

okay not close .. bas good! .. "

he smiled .. while watching il tv. ;

" shayookh nasee7a .. la teshta66ain wayed

then e6ebben 3ala wayhich! .. deer balich .. "

" oboy .. " Is calling ..

I blow him a flykiss mn be3ed ..

Shaikha : " Thanks fahod .. Enshalla ,

yalla bye bye .."

6ala3t barra wegaft bil garage mn ilfar7a ..

after few seconds chan yasfe6 out side..

with his fancy New Bmw car ..

my father okay mu mn big family .,

bas mashalla meshtegheL 3ala his self ..

oo my setp-mom estaghlat 3alaih ezyada!

oo 3a6eeta positin ib her father's company ..

fa ya3ni ma3roof shwayya bil kuwait ,

oo 3endah money , bas mo malah ya3ni maL morta ..

mn wara her father .. oo ehya maskeeta 3adiiL ..

he cant think next to her!

rekabt ilcar oo kissed his head ..

Shaikha : " alsalam , Shlounek yuba? "

He smiled : " good 7amdellah .. "

akward silent ..

maku shay engoolah ..

3allah il radio shwaya ..

wela 7a6 CD ..

muhammed 3abdu ..

I smiled : " et7ebbah? .. "

He smiled : " uf! " ..

I smiled back : " well ,

ashwa legaina something

common ib awaL ten mins. "

he laughed ..

6ooL il6erej sakteen ..

nesma3 3abdu ..

hehe kilma yendemmij e6eq 3ala ilsekkan ..

while singing with 3abdu! LoooooL he's cute tara ,

wesalna marina mall,

ga3adna ib Costa caffe ..

out side , oo emjableen hathe il small

lake madri shesamoonha ..

oo ilnas passing by us ..

I smiled ,

my father : " Shfech? "

I laughed ..

Shaikha : " shakli 3abe6 wana atbosam? ..

madrii .. Im happy .. "

He smiled while looking bil menu ..

6alabna drinks oo small tiramisu cake ..

we7na ga3deen en6ali3 il nas ..

oo bas engooL to each others ta3liqat esghera ..

yabaw il drinks oo il tiramisu ..

sharabna our coffe ..

oo ma7ad jas il tiramisu ..

Shaikha : " yuba tara ana mabi il cake ,

ma a7ebhaaaaa .. "

he laughed : " ME TOO! .. "

I laughed : " sij walla? .. 3ayaL laish 6alebha? "

my faher : " I though ennich et7ebenha! .. gilt ajamlich .. "

I laughed : " maaaaaaaadre ..

enta gelt tabeen tiramisu 3alabe you et7ebha ..

fa esta7ait agoolek no! "

he laughed at each other ..

oo mjableen ilcake nel3ab feeha bil forks ..

my father called the waiter " check please .. "

I smiled : " yuba .. "

I kept repeating ib my heart ..

" yuba yuba yuba yuba .. "

it feels really good ..

my father : " hala? "

Shaikha : " Im sorry about the car ..

thak ilyoom I was down ..

oo 6ala3t il7arra eb hal salfa .. "

he smiled : " mu moshkela ..7asaL khair .. "

Shaikha : " enzain yuba ,

I wanna work ..

ib part-time job .. "

he stared at me ..

okay did I ruined everything??

Shaikha : " yuba a7is weeddi ekon le

my own source

of money .. oo akoon independance

oo a3temed 3ala my self .. "

my father : " bas you don't need money! ..

gasrech shay? "

I choked ..

Shaikha : " no yuba .. okay bil main things mu gaserne .,

bas I wanna live my life .. buy a New car .. New fancy clothes ..

ma abe laima ashoof dress eb ma7aL marka .. efez galbi ..

bas laima ashoof il price anche3em oo asket .. "

he avoid looking at me while I was choking with my words ..

Shaikha : " Yuba enta oo my mother ma gassartaw with me ..

bas elli now ana a3esha ..

It's not what I want for my self..!

abi akoon Something in this world ..

abi a3eesh nafs kil ilnas 7oole ..

ma abiii enna I act shay oo I'm shay thane .. "

he nodded while e6alli3 bookah

3alshan yedfa3 il check..;

" eser khair shaikha .. "

I smiled .. : " Enshalla ... "

all the way back 7ag Our house maga3ed engooL shay ..

faj'a ..

Shaikha : " yuba , do you love animals? "

he looked at me ..

I felt enna Im 5 years old!

my Father : " mmm .. only dogs! "

I smiled : " ooh no! ..

ana a5af mn il animals

Specially il dogs .. "

He smiled ..

Shaikha : " yuba let's play a game 3ala ma nousaL ..

kil wa7ed yes'aL ethane Question oo lazim ejaweb .. "

he nodded : " okay go ahead .. "

I giggled .. : " haw I asked you about il animals .. "

he laughed .. : " mmmm ..

shenu taben teshtaghlain after il jam3a? "

I smiled while mummbling :

" mmmmm .. shoof ana agoolik ..

etha I married someone emhajir ..

I wanna work bil safara , bas etha

Someone bil kuwait aw I didn't get marriend ya3ni ..

madre! maybe wezarat ildakheleyya .. egolon qaweya .. "

he smiled .. : " kafoo .. enzain shenu you Question? "

I was thinknig while looking out side the window ..

Shenu as'elik bil thab6?? ..

mn wain abda?? ..

Shaikha: " whats your fav. song??? "

He laughed : " heheheh .. ya ayuuha- 3abdu! "

I smiled ..

while oboy ga3ed yasfe6 jiddam Our house ..

it was Only 7:34 pm ..

bas It worth a life time for me .. wala!

Shaikha : " yalla yuba .. mashkoor .. "

he smiled : " doore as'elich Question! "

I giggled : " aaah shakla eb kha6rek

Question mn bedaina ;p ..

shenu ur Q.? "

he looked direct into my eyes :

" do you love me shaikha? "

I choked ..

mmmmmmm ..

well ,

madree ..

elli sawaitah fenna mu shawyya ..

serna 7achwa 3end ilnas ..

all the peoples e3arfoonah killa

menk oo men your wife ..

oo Im 19 years old ..

oo tawny a3arf your fav. song!

I was pissed offf .. wayid

mu shwayya ,,

I smiled to him : " akeed I do yuba .. "

I said that while kissing his head ..

nezalt from the car ..

oo il dam3a eb 6araf my eyes ..

mabi armesh jidamah 3alshan la e6e7 ..