You .. # 48 ( buqat kelma eb 5awa6erna .. ba3adna la magelnaha! )

Seeing 3azizan's tears ..

makes me so weak ..

he's my rock!

if he fall down ..

i'll crash immediatly after him!

I turned my face to the nurse ..

" what's wrong with me?? "

she smiled without saying a fuckin word!

I cried all the way to the operation room ..

while saying in my heart ..

" ya rab .. artheeni billy takteebah ley ..

oo ektebli elli feh khair le and for 3aziz ..

please God .. you know how much I wanted this baby .

and you are only one who can give it to me without harm

or sickness , please god .. don't make me suffer ever again ..

pls .. I can't stand it again .. please god .. "

we went there ..

wella ildr. there ,

chan etgoolihum take her to room 390

no operation..

" huuuuuuuff, thanks god .. "

I smiled to her ..

they took me to the room ..

wella 3azizan ga3ed there ,

" hey .. "

he stared at me ..

" shfeek?? "

he nooded ..

" nothing .. "

the dr. came in ...

" listen muneera .. "

okay,

well ..

I closed my eyes for a second ..

took a deep deep breath ..

count to 5 ..

besmellah ..

" what? "

" your babygirl is really ta3bana ..

and we should give you some pills

3alshan got you into labor ..

you should deliver her .. soon! "

I took a deep breath ..

" okay ,, but Im in my 7th month ..

mu 5a6er ?? .. 3ala il baby I mean .. "

a hot tear slept from 3azoozi eyes ..

I looked at him ..,

stared into his eyes ..

he removed his eyes away ..

and opened the window ..

while crapping a ziqara ..

" 3aziz .. "

he didn't turned ..

the dr. said ;

" mneera 7ebebti .. la et7ateen ..

enshalla makou ella ilkhair ..

oo ilwa7ed ma yadre ilkheera wain ..

yemkin allah ma yarzeqna shay oo ba3dain we

know the point enna laish ma rezaqna .."

OK OK ..

I KNOW THAT FUCKING TALK LEADING TO WHERE!

I yelled ..

" 3AZIIIIIIIIZ .. "

he threw the ziqara out side ..

" hmm? "

" 3aziz .. I trust you ..

akthar minhum kelouhum ..

tell me .. the truth ,, "

he came toward me ..

put his hand 3ala my shoulder ..

" can you handle it? "

I choked ..

I couldn't felt my legs ..

while river of tears yanzelon mn my eyes ..

" I don't .. *Sneef* .. Know .. *Sneef* .. you ..

Tell .. me .. *Sneef* Can I ?? "

he didnt looked direct into my eye ..

" I don' know .. "

he moved his hand ..

misakt'ha ..

" please .. rayye7ne .. tell me the truth .. *Sneef* .. "

" our baby .. is .. so .. sick .. muneera .. so fucking sick .. "

I put my hand 3ala my face..

" WHYYYYY? .. SHFEHAAAAAA?? " *Sneef* *Sneef*

the dr. " we don't know .. "

" YOU'RE LYING TO ME!!!!!! I SWEAR .. "

akward silence ..

3aziz choking with his tears ..

Im crying so hard .,

and the dr. looking at us ..

" she's dead .. isn't she? "

I threw that fucking Question after taking a deep breath ..

" you .. I .. "

" SPIT IT!!!! .. "

" ta3awethay mn eblees .. "

" TELL ME!! THE TRUTH .. "

3aziz hugged me so tight ..

while whispering ..

" ma7ad yadre ilkheera wain .. "

shahaqt ..

why god?

.

.

after 10 hours ..

of taking pills ..

they should give me pills ,

we call it (6alq sena3e) ..

they should creat a labor ..

cus there was'nt any fucking reaL labor ..

I stood up awaL ma wesalna il operation room ..

they kept screening me oo check my blood oo random things ..

I layed down 3ala il opertaion table ..

while the bed kan his back lifted ..

like a chair .. all most ,

I put my head back ..

oo closed my eyes ..

there's a dead baby inside me??

that's what's kept terrifying me ..

the dr. came in ..

scrubs oo put that blue dress ..

with Rubber gloves and some blue cover 3ala her mouth ..

nazelat il cover ..

oo sat next to me ..

while touching my hand gently ..

trying to calm me down ..

I felt like I just need to go to the bathroom!

my hips became hot and sweaty ..

and my heart just kept beating so fast ..

" dr. can I ask you a question?? "

" yes dear? .."

" why? .. " I chocked ..

" laish matat oo 5alatne? "

her eyes entarsaw tears ..

" 7abebeti ..

the placenta has Separated from the baby ,

so magam yousalha food or water .. "

I choked ..

flog of tears enzalaw mn my eyes ..

" 7abebtii , it's not your falt ..

wayid etser .. eb wayid nas .. "

I closed my eyes ..

" can you call 3aziz? "

she told the nurses to call 3aziz ..

after 10 mins ..

he entered the room ..

with that blue dress oo head cover ..

he kissed my forehead ..

" how are you? "

" Im not good .. at all! "

*sneef* *sneef*

he chocked ..

" shenu bedna? "

" can they kill me? "

he cried ..

for the first time in my life ..

I saw 3aziz crashing down ..

Okay , I saw him before edamme3 ..

but not crying like a little kid ..

he put his head 3ala 6araf il bed ..

o cried ..

I only felt his shoulders shaking oo that killing

voice of inhalation .. eshahiq ..

I whispered ..

" Im sorry .. asfa .. "

after 10 mins.

he raised his head ..

and whiped his tears ..

" Im sorry too babe .. Im sorry too ..

aham shay salamtich .. "

the dr. looked direct into us ..

" listen .. after few monthes ,

she could get pregnant again enshalla .,

oo have another kid .. a healthy one .. "

" allah kareem .. "

I whispered to 3aziz ..

" can I close my legs oo keep

her inside me forever?? "

.

.

3azizan went out side ,

I don't want him inside ..

sheshoof ya3ne!! ..

they opened my legs ..

and gave me that fucking paining ibra ..

I kept crying without voice ..

I wanted to scream ..

to stamp them ..

bunch my doctor in her face ..

" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAWCH!

I CANNNNNNNNNT! "

" yes yes .. you can .."

" I'M PUSHING A FUCKING DEAD BABYYYYY!

MAAGGGDAR!! "

" calm down .. take a deep breath .. "

"CALM DOWN?

AAAAOOOH!

THAT'S A FUCKING SEVERE PAAAAAAAAIN ..

AWWCH ..

MAGDAR MAGGGGGGDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAR! "

" pray muneera .. pray .. "

" SHAGOOOOOOL! I DONT KNOW ANY AYAAAAAA RIGHT NOOOOOW!! "

I let my head back while sweating and crying and weeping so hard ..

" MATHKKKKKKKERRRRRRR SHAYYYYYY! "

I pushed that stupid nurse elli kept wiping my forehead ..

" KHARRRRRRRRRRRAAA WAKHRAAAAAAAY 3AAAAAAAAANNNNNE ..

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKH .. "

I felt enna my muscles just froozen or burning ..

I don't know walla ..

but it something moved me to .. hell!

I kept crying so hard ..

the baby can't help me with pushing ..

SHASAWEY EB NAFSEEEEEEEEEE!!

the dr. kept talking to me ..

trying to comfort me ..

"7abebettte ..

It's said that the greatest pain that Mother

Nature inflicts upon a human is during labor...

ed3ayy allah beli tabeenah Now .. kilshay mostajab .."

" OOOOOOOH SHUT UPPPPPP .. WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE CRAP ELI ETGOLEEEEEEENAH! .. I HAAAAAAATE MOTHER EARTHHHHHHH .. "

" ya rabii esahheL 3aalaich .. "

" GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD .. I KNOOOOW YOU WOUN'T LET ME DOWN ..

NEVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEER .. AAAAAAWCCH .. "

after 2 hours ..

" muneera .. you cant .. its so hard for you ..

we will do a Caesarean section for you .. "

I let my head to the back ..

I loose a lot of blood and energy ..

I cant see a thing ..

" IS THAT HEAVEN?? "

the dr. gave me a injection ..

and I closed my eyes ..