You .. # 42 ( Dedicated to A.! ;*** )

I put my hand 3ala 3azizan hip ..

" yalla .. "

he looked at me .. then toward the dr.

" la7tha la7tha .. many mashe .. abe afham! "

a tear 6a7at 3ala 6ooL 3ala my jeans ..

" please 3aziz let's go .. "

he stood up ..

" I WANNA HEAR! "

the dr. calm him down ..

" you should have more faith in god .. oo hathe neseeb ..

oo it's not 1% .. tara 20% good number ..

mu wayid low .. if you have hight number ..

tegdar etsheelha .. "

" ok ok .. makes test me .. "

the dr. ketab paper for 3aziz ..

the dr. looked at me ..

I was looking at him emotionless!

a7is rou7y ga3da amoot wana bil chair! ..

I kept looking at the dr. oo my face kan emotionless..

" you should have more faith ..

enshalla i'll give you courses oo enshalla allah yarzeqech .."

I cried like a little kid ..

" I want one .. only one kid ..pleaseee .. " *Sneef* *Sneef*

" Laa enshalla allah yarzeqech akthar men 3 .. "

I smiled while a hot tear came out ..

" Enshallla .. "

.

.

after 2 weeks ..

3azizan's results eb te6la3 today ..

hal 2 weeks kanaw SHIIITTTT ..

we rarly talked ..

oo I kept covering my head bil frash oo non-stop cring ..

I had high fever o kept thowing up from the sadness ..

" manoora "

3aziz whispered to me ..

after opening the barda ..

I closed my eyes akthar ..

uuuugh! that fucking sun light!

mabe agoom!

abe anam laima amot ..

ma eser?

leave me laima amoot eb my bed ..

CAN'T YOU FUCKING DO THAT FOR ME!!

" ooh pls .. close it .. banaaam! "

" noo .. mantay nayma .. wake up .. "

he said while pulling my arm ..

" 3AZIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZ! .. "

he kissed my cheek ..

" manoora .. wake uup .. "

a tear slipt from my eyes ..

" 3aziz walla nafsetey teben ..

please leave me alone ..

can you leave me shwayya .. "

" No ... I can't .. I left you alone 7ag 2 weeks ..

oo you didn't moved on .. oo didnt tried to..!

khathaiit my results ..

it was 94% ..

do it's very good ..

oo I talked with the dr.

galli it's amazing..

oo we have a really good shot .. "

I jumped out from the bed ..

hugged him so tight ..

" REALLY?? "

he said while kissing my forehead ..

" yes babe .. really .. 7abebti ..

I talked to him for hour o zood ..

he told me ennah the man yegdar ilwomen

etha he's the resulat number upper than her ..

fa ya3ni we'll try our best babe ..

bas entay kamlay ur courses oo enshalla khair .. "

I cried ..

I felt enna he's better than me ..

oo enna he's a full man ..

bas im not! ..

all womens can get pregnant ..

ella me!

i felt enna Im un-complete women ..

ana mangoosa ..

there's a dot ib my feminism ..

.

.

after 3 monthes ..

I kept taking my medicine ..

bas mako shay ..

3 times I had my fucking period ..

me and 3azizan having sex like a

homework we should

do it in a sharp time eb the month!

I'm sick of it ..

Sick of alllll of it ..

3aziz enterd the living room and crapped me from my arm ..

" LAISH LEGAIT UR MEDICINE BIL ZBALAAAAAA?? "

I stared at him ..

" I don't wanna eat it any more ..

it tasts araf! oo it had been 3 monthes ..

ma sar shay .. "

he went to the bedroom .. oo bring a new med.

handing me a glass of water ..

" eat it .. "

" I don't want 3aziz .. "

" MUNERA .. ta3awethay mn eblees and EAT..! "

" I DONT WAAAAANT! .. "

he put the glass 3ala il6awla ..

" why? "

" bas .. im done with it .. mabe .. "

" matabeen duwa babe? wela matabeen kids?

wela ma tabene a7in? "

" Im done with everything 3azeez .. "

" muneera .. it's not magic! ..

lazim ya5eth time .. shay 6abe3e ya5eth time .. "

" I know .. I know .. bas 3 monthes mu time?? "

" embala time ..

bas matadreen meta ra7 etbayen enateeja ..

fe nas ya5eth minhum week ..

fe nas month .. feh nas years and years ..

ma tadreen meta neseebna .. "

I covered my eyes eb my hand ..

" madre 3aziz .. "

he gave me ilduwa ..

" take it .. 3alashaane .. "

I took a deep breath ..

took it ..

.

.

we decided to go for al3omra for a weekend..

while we was landing ..

3azizan whispered with his cute white e7ram ..

" you'll try to keep me busy.. right?? "

I laughed ..

" ya malek il3afya .. It's mecca for god's seak! "

ga3adna in zamzam towers ..

I sat infront ok the ka3ba ..

I felt enna my life is pointless..

mafeeha hadaf...!

refa3t my hands ..

" ya rab .. "

I Couldn't say anything..

mu gadra ad3e mn ilbache ..

an old egyption woman said ..

" ma te'yaseesh .. "

I turned to her

while cring so hard ..

the ka3ba was faaaaaaatheya ..

In the 6awaf ..

I saw 3azizan rafe3 his hand oo yad3ee ..

a tear enzalat mn e3yoonah ..

he's crying ..

it just broke my heart ..

and I walked toward ilka3ba ..

I touched the ka3ba ..

7asait enna chill tasre mn e6raf eryooli laay my head ..

" pls god .. help me eb hal qarar ... "

.

.

after few weeks ..

min radatna mn il3umra ..

I called Dina..

" Let's go 7ag chocolate bar ilbede3 .. "

" okay .. yalla .. let's go .. "

I called 3aziz ..

kan bil shalaih with rab3a ..

" 3aziz can I go to ilbede3 with dina? "

" yes babe .. you can .. have fun 7ayatee ;* .. "

I smiled ..

yaksir 5a6re ..

he wanna baby wayiddd ..

I wish I can tell him whats in my mind ..

ga3adna eb chocolate bar dakheL ..

we chit-chat shwayya ..

" entay lay meta bet'9ellen chethe?? "

I said while playing with the fork " chethe what? "

" CHETHE! .. dead! .. soul-less! ..

bas body .. makoo spirit at all! .. "

" dina .. i'll tell 3aziz .. "

" about? "

" about .. what's in my mind .. "

" elli uhwa? "

" I'll ask 3aziz to re-marry! "