You .. # 33

p.s: Miss you inpunctilious & Finicky...! ;'(

He stared at me ..

with that unforgettable look ..

his eyes was so sad ..

he said while going to the bath room ..

" Ommi? "

I said while walking after him ..

" Im Sorry .. Im .. "

He closed the door eb wayhi gabeL la akammeL ..

I pack our things cus for sure ya3ni we will go back to kuwait ..

after One hour .. I called him ..

ma erd ..

I called again ana again ..

maybe 5 missed calls ..

finally , He picked it up ..

" aloooooooo .. 3aziiz wainekk 7abebe? "

" mnera pls back our thing .. ilsa3a 10 am fe 6ayara ..

e7na benrid feha .. ok? "

" ok ok .. sure .. I Packed already .. "

it was already ilsa3a 6 am ..

so there's no time ..

re7na il airport oo he was so confused and in shock ..

he didn't cry!!

I sat 3ala the chairs ..

while he was running after our bags oo passports oo madri shenu ..

he came while moving the passports eb wayhi ..

" yala yala .. emshay il gate .. "

while we was sitting next to each other ..

with out saying a single word ..

I putted my hand 3ala his hip ..

oo moved it ..

while whispring .. " 6aweeL balik .. "

he putted his hand 3ala mine oo waggaf my moving ..

In the airplane .. he didn't talk AT ALL ..

I wanna talk to him about anything ..

" 3aziz tabe shay? you didn't eat a thing my ilfayer .. "

he nooded his head enna no ..

" 7abebe mu zain 3alaik .. it's 1 pm .. ekeL anything khafef .. "

he ignored me ..

I called il mothefa ..

" pls can I have one water and tea .. "

after 10 mins.

they putted il tea jidama oo I putted One suger as he like his tea ..

he stared at the tea without drinking menna shay!

wesalna kuwait airport at 5 pm ..

already kanaw dafnen khalty cus she passed away ilfayir allah yer7amha ..

ligaina ildriver outside yan6erna ..

rekabna ilcar without a word ..

" rajo go to duwaneya "

" 3aziz 7abebe manta ray7 ilbait etray7? "

he stared at me .. " fatheya? "

I shut my mouth up ..

I don't know what to do ..

ya3ni edfenooha khalas ..

why he's going to the duwaneya?

that was the Question in my mind ..

oo I was so afraid 3alaih ..

he didnt act or looked NormaL to me AT ALL!

I don't blame him ofcourse .. bas I was worried ..

" 3aziz 7abebe mako 3aza now .. al7een ba'athen ilma'3arb .. "

He yelled ..

" MUNEERA .. MO SHEGHLICH! "

I choked up ..

wasalnah then I called Dina ..

sa'alt'ha enna what we suppose to do now??

chan etgooli enah edfenooha il3asir oo mafe shay

oo il3aza bacher eb yabdi bil womens side ..

" Come to my appartment .. nasir bil dwaneya "

" ok ok .. bas barou7 ilfai7a asalem 3ala oboy oo lama .. "

" oboch mu eb baitkom oboch 3end il3aza! .. "

" aah ok ok .. khalas i'll come to you know .. "

OMG!

I WAS REALLY REALLY REALLY ..

MISSED UP!

yesterday i was layying down on the beach with my love ..

today Im in the middle of a death!!

sij kent menthawla! .. madre what to do ..

I went to dina's place ..

I hugged her so tight awaL ma saw her ..

oo we both cried so hard ..

we took about half an hour only hugging each other and crying ..

not knowing what's next?

she made chay to us ..

oo we sat down eb her living room ..

" manoor .. I know it's not waqta at all .. bas Im pregnant .. "

I smiled while hugging her ..

" OMG CHATHAAAAAAABBA! .. mabrooooook honey;* .. allah etamim 3alaich .. Enshalla etyebeen Noura esgheera wetfar7een galb nasir .. "

She smiled while hugging me back ..

" Dino .. shlon Nasir? .. did he cried? "

she stared at me ib that ( are you idiot??) look ..

" ya3ni sure he cried manor! omaah ya3nee! shlon mara7 yabche?? "

I looked at her ..

" dina madre 3aziz ma becha! bas sarakh 3alay tawa nezarne .. oo 6ooL ilwaqt allah wakelich 12 sa3a metjablen ma kalamne! "

" ma yenlam .. "

" yes yes ma ga3da alooma .. bas ya3ni it's akward ena he didn't cried at all "

" eeh maybe he's the type of guys elli e7es 3aib yabche .. you don't know .."

about 11 pm we heard the kie in the door ..

fazait ana .. while kissing Dina's cheeks ..

Nasir looked at me .. with his cute small zaiteya eyes ..

" hala mnera .. 7emdelah 3asalama .."

" allah esalmik .. " I choked .. " 3atham allah ajrik .. "

" ajerna oo ajrech mashkora .. "

I saw 3aziz warah opening our apartment door ..

" yala tesbe7on 3ala khair .. "

I went out ..

while 3azizan was pushing the door ..

he hold the door after him for me ..

" Dishay .. "

its our first time endesh our HOME ..

I felt so sad enna endesha eb chethe wath3 ..

3aziz dash il 7amam for taking a shower ..

ana ga3adt a7oos bil sheqa ..

it was realy really nice ..

so cosy and classic ..

with personaL touches ..

our pics .. our speciaL things ..

oo there's some frames fatheen for our honeymoon's pics..

I smiled while remembering our honeymoon ..

3azizan opened the bathroom door ..

with all the hot air mn warah 6ali3 mn ilbathroom..

oo his rapping his waist eb white toweL ..

and that half naked body ..

but his face ..

it was so pale and lank ..

ma56oof!

and his eyes 7ad'ha red ..

ashkara tawa bachi in the Shower ..

I hugged him so tight ..

" Im sorry 3aziz for ur lost .. Im sorry for telling you that way .. but .. I .. "

he just putted his hand 3ala my back .. without hugging me back ..

" thats ok mnera .. "

In the 3aza ..

we were sitting down ..

listening to Qur'an while crowd of womens e3azoon ..

I hot tear enzalat mn eye ..

while remembering my life .. my 3aziz .. my mother ..

I kept asking my self ..

why didn't I have a chance with my mother??

Only 10 year with your mom it's just NOT ENOUGH!!

Istaghferallah .. ;/

it's too way wrong to think like that ..

after 4 monthes ..

it was just CRAP!

3aziz ma e7achene ella for important things..

not even flirting or laughing eb wayhe ..

I gain 6 Kiloes ..

with eating Chocholate mouse Icecream ..

he didn't went to my fathers house..

IS THAT TOO MUCH?

wella ana mathkir my mothers death?

I was very ok with his One month ejaza cus malah khelq eshoof ilnas!

I was very ok with his nafseya khaisa and that empty nathrat ..

bas MOVE ONNNNN MAAAAAAAAAN!

it's not one or two monthes..

4 MONTHES!

4 DAMN MONTHES!

One day e7na ga3deen 3ala il lunch ..

me oo him oo nasir oo Dina oo his father oo 7amane ..

" ha 3aziz enta shetgooL? .."

his father was talking to him ..

oo his playing bil fork 3ala his plate ..

naghazta ..

he jumped while looking at me ..

" ha? "

" obok e7achek! "

he looked at his father ..

" hala yuba? "

" la la salamtik .. mako shay mohem .. "

oo they continue talking oo 3azizan's in another world ..

kahum his family .. radat 7ayat'hum normaL ..

ok ana mu ga3da agooL enna let's have a party ..

bas .. khalas .. eb yeg3ad chethe lay meta??

sa3adna our appartment ..

he layed down 3ala ilbed ..

" 3aziz .. 3ady etgoom teg3ad .. I need to talk to you .. "

he looked at me ..

" shfech? "

" set down! .. shlon I talk to you wenta mensede7! "

he sat down .. while looking at me ..

" haa? "

" 3aziz .. 3aziz Im done with you .. bas khalas! ta3abt min the New guy im living with haL last 4 monthes .. I wanna my Old 3azizan back .. " .. I choked .. " I .. MISS .. YOU .. "

he looked at me ..

" shtabene asawey? "

" move on .. ila3mar beed allah .. oo kahum dina oo nasir oo 7amane oo obok mafehum ela il3afeya .. ana ma agoolik bensafer wela bensawey party .. bas pls but ur grief eb side oo move on .. "

" mneera I need my time .. oo the last person ilmafrooth egooL hal 7ache .. you! "

I raise my voice " laish ballah? what did I do ?? "

he said while going out of the bed room ..

" you lost your mother before 12 year ago oo lil7en you didn't moved on! .. lel7een etha you talked about her tabcheen .. you don't mention her wayid .. cus it kills you .. "

my eyes entarsaw dmoo3 ..

" ga3ed et3yeerni enta or what?? "

he raise his voice ..

" Not im not! sha3ayrich feeh oo Im in the same boat??

.. Im clearing my point .. "

I raise mine too ..

" for sure you'll never move on 3ala ur own mom! .. bas you have to! .. you have to go with the flock! .. ya3ni eb teg3ad chethe lay meta?? .. "

he yelled while moving his hand 3ala his head ..

" chethe shinu? "

I yelled while cring ..

" you didn't fucking touch me since our honeymoon! "

he came toward me and said in the most calm and minkeser voice

" Im not in the mood mneera Im not in the mood .. "

I whisper while crying so hard ..

" Im your wife! .. "

he kissed my forehead ..

I felt a strong chill in my body..

faj'a nefatht ..

I MISSED HIS KISSES ..

" Sorry 7abebti .. I'll make it up for you .. okay? "

I cried harder ..

" it's not a homework .. I need you to want me .. to desire me .. mu sleep with me because I told you so .. "

He hugged me so tight ..

" I know .. I know .. "

I cried ..

" * Sneeff* .. and it's not about the sleeping thing at all .. it's about the distance .. *Sneef* .. the hell distance between us .. *Sneef* "

he suddenly crash down ..

while hugging me so tight ..

I hear his voice crying ..

so hard ..

" I .. need her .. "

I stopped crying .. my eyes poped out .. and my heart just beated so fast ..

" I know .. I know .. "

" I wana move on .. but I fucking cant .. "

he moved away from me ga3ad 3ala il coach..

while taking a klineks oo whippined his tears ..

I sat 3ala his lap ..

while plaing eb a6raf his hair foog his ear ..

" listen 3aziz .. Here's some red .. I guess you will think about it all the time .. and trust me it's so hard .. " .. I choked with my tears while remembring my beloved mother .. " 3azooze .. just to pass the time of the day without her .. it's like a raw wind that gets into your bones " .. I paused , I knew enna my words tethba7 bas he have to know shinu he's gonna face for the next few years .. " bas 7abebe you can't barry your self wenta alive , she loved you so much .. oo for sure she would be glad and happy laima etshofik living your life oo moving on .. "

he mummbled ..

while a hot tear enzalat mn his eye oo mesa7ha ebsir3a ..

" She's my mother .. shinu moving on?? "

I putted my fingers 3ala his cheek ..

oo felt the sadness elli eb his face ..

" 3azez 7ayate .. moving on doesn't mean enna u'll forget her or desrespect her .. bas moving on its the way of respecting the faith .. allah ekhtarha 3enda oo u don't know shenu il7ekma oo you cant see it right now .. bas i'ts better for her .. be sure mn hal shay .. "

tannahad ..

" do you love you mother nafs gabeL? "

I smiled and whispered to him ..

" uffffff .. amoot fehha .. 7abebe let's share a secret .. "

he smiled back to me ..

" what? "

" when I miss me mother so hard .. I speakes to her .. set alone and talk to your mother .. I promise enna u'll feeL her presence and it's just so comfortable and overwelming ... trust me .. she'll be there for you .. anytime .. anywhere .. "

he smiled .. e3jeebta il Idea ...

I smiled back ..

I just wanna crap his lips oo kiss it so hard ..

I said while agoom mn his lap ..

" you're not alone .. "

he smiled ..

" I know .. "

he hold me from my jeans back poket ..

while laying down 3ala ilqanafa ..

ga3adt 3ala 6araf il coach .. oo his face 3ala yesare ..

I smiled .. I knew where that is going to ..

" hmm ? .. "

" come here .. "

I smiled while roling my eyes oo atghalla ..

" where? "

ashar 3ala his chest ..

" here .. foogi .. I'll make it up to you .. right now .. "

I giggled while laying down on the top of him ..