14 } ~

* ouch .. remembering this .. all over again! :')


I felt weak and scared...
There was like a fire in my bones...
I was terrified... hatha aqal shay!

I knocked on her bedroom door...
I whispered with shaking voice: "ma-mama?"

She replied: "come in ... and lock the door behind you!"

My heart sank...
And my hips start numbing...

"Set here ..!" she pointed on her bed...

I sat on the corner of her big black and gray puffy bed cover...

"Mama I'm sorry ... it's nothing!" I managed to say while playing with my fingers...

My mom raised her voice: "look at me shoug!"

I raised my eyes...

When our eyes met...
I felt like a have betrayed her!
I let her down... deep deep down!

Since forever my mom didn't allowed me to go out with friends...
Only cousins... because she though that they are like brothers to me...
Well, they are... ma3ada Faris!

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath...: "I talked to faris before one hour ago ... and I'm gonna act normal in one case only! If you and him start acting like cousins not like sick lovers! Entaw cousins oo I trusted you guys that way... "

A tear drop fall from her pure small eyes...
It latterly broke my heart...

"I trusted you shoug! What a shame!! .. I didn't raise you to turn out like this! You know me shoug! I could understand love... but loving your cousin? And your sick one b3ad? He's already in a mess... wentay etzeden il6een ballah?? .. Do you think it kind of old literature stupid novels?? .. shoug! Come back her to earth! Come back to reality!! .. it's kuwait out here!! And he's your cousin .. and he's sick .. and he'll travel soon .. "

Shoug : " I didn't choose mama .. I just .. fall .. "

She cutt me off : " you broke my heart shoug! You really did ..
makant il haqwa .. "

My eyes start tearing up ..
And my cheeks became all cold and stony ..
I wanted to say anything ..
To defined my love ..
To clear my point of view ..

But all what I managed to say is tearing up ..

My mom said while staring at me : "switch off your mobile and put it on my closet .. and remember you're just 17 ana I'm you're mother! So if you didn't respect the rules .. I'll create new ones just for you!"

I nodded...
She walked away...
After taking my mobile from my lap...

I start taking deep breaths...
While drops of tears start falling hard...

I ran to my room...
Closed the lights...
And hide under my puffy yellow bedcover...
It was cold... and brings little fresh breezes every time I moved or rolled...
I couldn't stop my tears...
I just wanted to be between Faris's arms rightNow...

I kept rolling all night long...
While thinking;
I can't leave faris ..
I just destroyed my beloved mother's heart ..
What if she told my father? Or brother?
Did faris called me?

I closed my eyes around 3 AM..
And kept opening it every 10-15 mines ..

Around 10 am ..
Tomorrow will be Ramadan Inshalla ..
My mom were in her work ..
I went to her room ..
Searched everywhere!!
finally .. I fond my mobile on her small work disk ..
I start pressing the buttons like a crazy person!
It was off!!
I opened the cover ..
There was no battery!
I was like WTH!!!

I called Nouf from our house line ..

Nouf : " Heeeeyyyy good morning .. "

Shoug : " hey .. "

Nouf : " I'm in starbucks il Odaileya .. wana join ? "

I choked with my tears and words ..

Shoug : " N-o .. b-as .. omm-e .. dar-at .. ab-out .. "

Nouf : " haa? What?? .. take a deep breath Shougo .. mafhaamt shfech ? "

I took a deep breath .. and start talking ..
While rivers of tears start running on my cheeks ..

Shoug : " imagine my mom find out about fairs .. and she called him in a dramatic halaqa scene! .. and I just swelled my word and shut my mouth up! .. but she called me at night and took my mobile from me! And .. "

I broke down that moment ..
And start crying so hard ..

Nouf :" besmellah 3alaich shougooooo .. 7abebti calm down .. that's okay babe .. that's normal I swear .. "

I took a small short breathes and said : " Noufuuu .. She don’t want me to talk ever again with faris! Unless like cousins!! And I know even that is not gonna happen soon!! .. "

Nouf : " omg! Shfeeha omch!! What's wrong with her! .. she's not that strike about love oo hal suwalif! "

Shoug : " yeah! But when it comes to her daughter sarat strike and didn't understand me!! .. yesterday when she talked with him .. she was just fine .. I don't know what happened ella khalaha et3asib .. "

Nouf : " come on!! .. she was under shock! .. she went to her room .. collect her thoughts and talked to you .. anyway don't worry babe .. that's normal walla .. "

Shoug : " what about me? What should I do! …"

Nouf : " first of all .. call Faris tell him what happened! "

Shoug : " nooooooooo nouf! .. I'm scared .. my mom will kill me if she fond out!! "

Nouf : " and how that would happen? .. call him telgaina mn ams e7ateech! "

I nodded .. ; " ok ok .. "

I told you guys ..
I was and still weak when it comes to him ..
He was my rock ..
When he's not around I feel sick .. unsafe and scared!

I dialed his number from our house number of course ..

1 Missed call ..

I called again ..

Faris ; " alooo? "

Shoug : " Faaa-rii-ss .. " * Sneefing*

Faris : " what 7abebti? What 3omre? Shfech? Shfech? "

Shoug : " my .. my mom faris .. after closing the line mennik .. She called me to her room .. oo zafatne oo took my mobile oo galatli you and faris would never be anything more than cousins!!!! .. imagine faris .. " *Sneefing *

I felt like something bigger than us swelled his voice ..
He was helpless!
We were small kids ..
I'm going to 11th grade ..
While he was going to university ..

Shoug : " alo? "

Faris : " alo .. "

Shoug : " ... and Now what? " *Sneefing*

Faris : " I don't know shoug … I really don't .. "

Shoug : " Shlon ya3ne you don't?? shlooooon!! "

Faris : " I DON'T KNOW!!!!! .. you're my cousin shoug .. I can't think right now! .. I'm Shocked! .. your mom were good to me yoom kalamt'ha! "

Shoug : " what did you said to her?? "

Faris : " nothing! .. just normal things such as Sorry and mes7eha eb wayhe and I'm not playing .. "

Shoug : " and now what faris? Now what? .. "

Faris : " I'll never hurt you or destroy your amazing relationship with you mom .. "

My tears just froze!
In the middle of my eyes ..

I whispered : " And what that suppose to mean?? "

Faris whispered : " I'll always be by your side shoug .. I love you and I'll always do .. if you meant to be together .. we'll find a way .. sooner or later .. ok sweetie? "

I just didn't wanted to understand what he's saying..!

Shoug : " whaa-at? "

Faris took a deep breath ..
Is that a sneef??

I whispered : " you're not crying ..right? "

He whispered : " no .. "

I whispered : " thanks for this unforgettable Ramadan! .. goodbye.. "

And closed the line ..
I pressed 000 ..
To delete his number if anyone thought about pressing redial ..