52 } ~

Back on being the best blogger! haha .. Love you a lot & waiting for your amazing comments! xx

I wrote this post with tears on my eyes & scars on my tiny heart .. I miss you, wherever you are.

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Shoug: “ aloo! Ha wainek? “

Faris: “ Home , last check up 3ala sheghle oo karateeny “

Shoug: “ ma wadait sheghlk elma6ar mn gabel? Low mwadeh arya7lk!”

Faris: “ la khala9 shbeqa 3ala6ayarte .. few hours ..”

I swallowed my tears : “ eemmm 6 hours”

Faris giggled : “ hehe at3ab 3ally 7asba!”

Shoug: “ waink?”

Faris: “ shfech? Getlich home!”

Shoug: “ ta3alli .. come baitna now!”

Faris: “ faj’a shoug? Ams shayfch welle gabla welle gabla! Sarlena esboo3 kelyooom emjableen ba3ath .. “

My voice starts faiding: “ la la! Ghair! Al7een bagi shwaya, 7ail shwaya! Come pick me .. bashoofk al7een al7een! Come la tanzel ana ayeelk .. ta3al! “ .. & I started crying ..

Faris: “ enzain la tabchen! Kany wala al7een ayeelich bas la tabchen! Khala9 kany bel 6ereeej! “

Shoug: “ la etgis 3alay! Im serious .. ta3ally..”

Faris: “ wala il3atheem yaylch! Kany ga3ed anzel eldaraay .. kaa sema3tay 9out elbab? .. haaa? Sema3tay sout el ingine? “

I whispered: “ ee asma3! Yala degega khal albis ayshay..”

Libast a tight cotton black dress, I wear it usually for chalet or shorts mishaweer such as jam3eya..

I went down stairs running ..

Mom asked: “ wain ray7a? laish tarketheen? “

I said while catching my breaths: “ aah jam3eya jam3eya! I need things from jam3eya .. “ I blew her a kiss while saying: “ byeeee..”

I sat on our wooden bench waiting for faris .. after few mins I saw him parking eb baitna..

The minute I opened his car’s door I felt like crying .. his smell were all over the car ..

Faris saying while cruising around the block : “ laish tsween chethe?”

Shoug: “ shno chethe? “

Faris looked at me: “ chethe! China mwa3deen .. laish et5ar3eny wet6al3ene mn baitna rakith! “

I pointed on a old empty house ..

Shoug: “ park here..”

Faris wondered: “ laish ya3ni? “

Shoug: “ esfe6 degeega..”

He parked, the second he put it on P.. I threw my self on his arms ..

I whispered while hugging him so tight: “ 3aib 3alaik etsafer!”

He said while rupping my back: “ adry qaleel adab oo ma aste7y!”

I buried my face on his shoulder: “ galbii e3awerne..”

Faris: “ shfeech 7ayate wayid met’azma! Its not the first time to me to leave .. wala etmer .. “

He felt my hot tears on his shoulders: “ I know mo awal mara etsafer, bas I thought this would be a different senerio! Kent 7asba enna at this point of our lives ra7 akoon atzahab 3ashan asafer m3ak after 6 hours! Ma akoon lamettek in your car.. kent 7a6a eb baly ina hal waqt we would be waiting for our first child, ma kent a7seb ena bakoon an6er the unknown.. an6er lain madre meta .. “

Faris just hugged my tighter with every gasp I take ..

“ enta wa3adtni eb wayd ashya oo ma sawait’ha .. sa3at a7is eny habla laish asadgek! A7iss 3omerna mara7 netzawaj.. Faris ana a7ibk .. I’m not into the marriage as an idea, but im into living with you every single day.. laish lazm at7ammal enk etsafer sentain? Laish lazm asber ba3ad sentain? “

Faris: “ shouggg 7abebti haday balch oo was3ay sadrich.. kelshay bekoon okay inshalla .. “

Shoug: “ I’ve been hearing this line for 5 years Faris!”

Faris: “ you know shelly em3a6elna.. you know ena omy oo omch mo ratheen .. laish ma tan6ereny a5alis my masters oo ayeech zaheb mako 3ether 3end ahalna ena ma yerthoon?”

Shoug: “ le’ana el 3ether el asasy mo shahadtik! You know ena malah 3alaqa hatha!”

Faris: “ el3ether el asasy enny mareth? “

I nodded ..

Faris: “ khala9 3ayal! Laish ta9bereen oo tetzawejain wa7ed mareth? He wouldn’t live to see his grand kids.. shallah 7adich? “

Shoug: “ 7adni enny a7ebkk! oo that’s not an issue to me, please latyeeb el6ary again .. “

Faris: “ shoug.. ana mo ray7 al3ab .. ana ray7 adris .. “

Shoug: “ ok adry… redni baitna.. “

Faris gave me the coldest look ever: “ aha! Mashy!”

Shoug: “ ana many yahel anymore etges 3alaiha! Khalas! Its now or never!”

Faris eyes winded: “ never!”

I gasped: “ shno ya3ne? “

Faris: “ ana el gha6an elli met7amel kel hatha 3alashanch! Ana elly ma aftehem! 3ala fikra omy kilyoom etkalemny 3anch oo ina I have to leave you oo ena ana wiyach mosta7eel netzawaj le’ana ana ya faris mosta7eel atzawaj le’ana all the doctors keeps telling us ena my hearts condition isn’t a joke at all! Its effects even my ability to have kids! Shoug kelyoom omy tgooli : la .. la .. la! Kelyoom! “

Tears starts rolling down so fast, I couldn’t feel or see anything around ..

Shoug: “ bas that’s our choice to make .. mo qarar ay a7ad thani faris .. enta ma et7ebne? Ma etmoot 3alay? Khalas ana rathya a3eesh ma3ak 7etan winta mareeth! Laish klkom msaween salfat marathek shay chayed faris? Khalas kaifi its my choice .. I don’t want kids.. mo lazm .. I want you .. “

Faris: “ kelmn e3eed wizeed eb salfat marathy le’ana you don’t seem to understand how big it is shoug .. ana elghal6an eny 7abaitch.. entay ma tadreen shkither ana mareth bas ana adry! Ana jeleel a9el ena khalaitch tet3aleqain feeny … Shog I take 14 pills at morning and 14 at night, I have the small kids white walky talky 3alashan my parents yesme3oony bellail in case my heart stopped, I have to attend check ups every 3 months .. shoug entay ma testahlain kel hal 3abala .. testahlain shay a7san menny …”

Shoug: “ so after 5 years .. you’re leaving me? “

Faris: “ no im not leaving you .. I'm letting you go..”

Shoug: “ bas I don’t wanna go! Where to go Farroosi? Where to go? Ma3endy 7ayat ella enta .. you’re my best friend & my lover .. wain arou7 ya3ne? “

Faris eyes starts tearing : “ shoug latgoolen chethy .. I’ll always be there for you .. I’ll always be your best friend .. “

Shoug: “ la etges 3alay aw etges 3ala nafsik.. etha nizalt now mn sayartek .. that’s it .. we don’t know each other .. and I don’t wanna see you ever again .. I hate you! mo emsam7etek 3ally ga3d etsweeh .. forever!”

Faris: “ shoug latgoolen chethy .. e7na .. “

I opened his car’s door while saying: “ e7na wela shay! And you choose that.. “

Faris: “ mashyy shoug .. “

Shoug: “ enta taskit wela kelma etgoolha! Im serious in this, I don’t wanna hear from you la eb khair wla eb shar .. abeek te5tfy mn 7ayate.. khalas .. “

& I closed the door and walked away leaving my heart, my best friend & the love of my life behind.