55 } ~

I couldn’t sleep that night, I was very sad to the point Faris has reached on his life..

To: jassim

“ are you awake? Itha eee please call me.. “

After 10 mns he called ..

Jassim: Guwa

Shoug: ahleeen! I know you know everything that happened between me and Faris.. bas I’m so mad Jay.. ya3ni I still love him so much! he means the world to me .. always had, always will!

Jassim: 9ara7a shougoo ana madry sh9ar bainkom! Kel elly galah ley ena you broke up oo bas….

Jassim seemed to swallow some words..

Shoug: and?

Jassim: bas!

Shoug: laa! Wathe7 enna fe kalam zyaddaa jassim.. tell me please!

Jassim: shoug bas wakhray 3annah! Ana a9lan men yeena magomt akalma oo an6er elyoom elli ard feeh elkuwait..

Shoug: and why is that?

Jassim: ohwa 9ayir maynoon! Wayd yel3ab oo careless oo a6ba3a metghayra .. ma7issa elawellee..

Shoug: oh god! 7amdellah! 3abale it was just me! Sa7?

Jassim: la it’s not you.. it’s because of you, bas mo ga3d tetkhayelain .. he turned into a totally different person.. ana ma 3edt a3rfa!

Shoug: because of me? Ashkara you don’t know what happened!

Jassim: latkamleeen! I respect your privacy guys oo a9lan maby a3rf… shoug agolch el9ara7a oo mn elakheer?

I whispered: eeeh?

Jassim: there’s a typical idea of fooling around laima wa7ed ehed wa7da 3alashan yinsaha.. and that’s what faris is doing now.. ga3ed yel3ab oo e5arbe6 oo esaffir oo ekallem banat 3ala friends oo khbal .. bas 3alashan yensach..

I felt knifes on my chest..

Shoug: aha.

Jassim: ana ma wedy az3lch bas tara etha ohwa ghali entay aghla! Oo ma a7b ashoofch mza3la nafssich 3ala wa7da who’s trying his best enna yinsach! Maradda eb yensach oo entay lel7en eb nafs eldawama..

Shoug: sa7 kalamk.. thank you jassomi..

Jassim: you’re more than welcome, and I’m always there for u..

Shoug: jay…. Gabel la etsikka bas’elik… som3eta sarat khaisa?

He giggled: hehehe laa mo ley haldaraja! Kharabee6a 3adya..

Shoug: allah karem… thanks again!

I heard knocks on my door..

Shoug: meno?

Mom: omch!

Shoug: 7ayyach mama ..

Mom: menu kentay etkalmen?

Tears starts rolling on my cheeks, out of nowhere I crashed on the floor and let it all out ..

Mom hugged me tight: 7aaaaaaaaaaaaaaabebtyyyy!!!!!!! 7ayaaaaaattti entaaaaaaaaaaay! Ommmiiiiiii! Ya 3oooooomriiiiiiii … gomai gomaii .. ghaslaaaay .. 7abebetiiiiiiiiii shoshoooooooo gomaaaai ..

And with every sentence I cry even more ..

Shoug:  mamaaaa! Faris theba7niiii .. kisarle galbyyyy ..

Mom: ma yesteee7iii 3ala wayhaa .. malch sheeegheeel feeeehhh ..

She said that while whipping my tears with her warm fingers ..

I hugged her tight : ma abyyy ag3ad bel kuwaitt .. ma abyyy ashoog khalti ghada .. ma aby asma3 seertaa .. yumma ma abeeehom .. ma abeee ..

She hugged me tighter : inshala 7abeeebti .. wain ma tabeen enruu7 benrou7 .. la tabcheeen ..

Shoug: maa aby arou7 eljam3a .. I wanna live in my own cave..

Mom whispered while kissing my cheeks and forhead: inshala! Inshalla! Elli tabeena mekhalif .. bas la tabcheen cheeethe .. yalla 3afya 7abebtii entay goomai ikhtheelch shower oo 9aleelch rak3taain .. 7abebtii gomaii …

I nodded… : enzaain .. al7en .. al7eeen ..

للحبيب أشتاق حتى و أنا قربه ..

تاخذني الأشواق و أعيش في غربة ..

يا ليت له ميثاق ينصفني في حبه ..

و بحذر العشاق و اللي مشى بدربه ..

This song kept reapting on my head while taking the shower..

I wanted to stop crying, to stop feeling worthless & miserable .. I really wanted that although nobody believed that I REALLY WANTED TO SURVIVE, but loosing faris was unsurvivable to me.

I covered myself with my juicy towel which I wore on the beach the last time I had fun with Faris, and rushed to the living room..

Shoug: Yuma!

Mom: hala?

Shoug: I wanna pack my things and head to Julaiaa, I will live in out shalaih for the next month.

Mom: yanaitay?

I nodded: eeeeee........

54 }~

Sorry for the delay, I’m not in Kuwait!

Much love to your souls! a7bkom! :*

After 10 mins I received a text msg ..

From: Faris

“ Who’s this?”

To: Faris

“ Are you serious? It’s me shoug!”

From: Faris

“ & shno 9efatch tes’elen hal sou’al??"

Mins passed by, while I was searching for an answer to his question ..

To: Faris

“ kan 3abali enik et7bne..”

From: Faris

“ sh3arefich feeha a9lan? “

To: Faris

“ jawebnee..”

From: Faris

“ entay elli jawbeene..”

I dialed his number ..

you know when you miss someone so much and finally find a reason to talk to them?

Shoug:  alooo..

Faris:  alooo?

Shoug:  I missed you, so I entered your email, oo garait your emails .. menu ehya?

I could hear the shock in his voice : nobody.

I start losing my temper :  shloon ya3ne nobody! Sh3arefk feeha?

Faris: la7tha! Tara 3aib etdesheen emailat elnas! Mako privacy?

Shoug:  la mako bainy w baink!

Faris: DON’T “US” US! It’s me .. and you! e7na me7na couples anymore shoug, remember?

I swelled my pride while saying: eee adri! “us” as cousins!

Faris: al7een dagatle 3alashan e7na cousins? Mashalla! 9adagtch! .. anyways she’s a Moroccan friend! Ok? la oo 3endaha refeejah esemha mariam bas 3ala 6oool etdg ma etdiz emails!

he added: ooo tara ana eb mazaji ga3ed ajawbch! wela ana mo malozzoom...

I said nervously: laish etswy chethy? Ok we’re not couples anymore, bas la etkharb som3etk! Shfeek estakhafait?

Faris:  wentay shenu hamch bel salfa? Som3eete wela som3etch! Kaifi ana .. asawey elli ashofa mnaseb! Law sama7tay shoug la tetdakhelain eb 7ayate! You caused my enough drama oo ana malait!

Tears started rolling on my cheeks : Mallait? Menne? Who caused the drama to who? 3aib 3alaik faris hal kalam!

Faris raised his voice: A’9EN ENY A3ARF EL3AIB! MA7TAJ ET3ALMENE! OK?

Shoug: yeah sure wathe7 enk et3arfa.. wath7 jidan!

Faris:  fe shay btgooleena?

I nodded: ee

Faris:  khair?

Shoug:  you turned to be everything that you hated!

He giggled: hehe adri..

Shoug: shetha7ek?

Faris:  mn el7arra shoug.. madri shagoolch 9ara7a! al7en ana madri shtabeen menne! Sa3a abeek, sa3a hedne, sa3a etgharen 3alai , sa3a e7na cousins, sa3a khal netzawaj , sa3a meste3eda an6erik! Shtaben?

I whispered: salamtik.

You know the point when you lose faith, interest & respect toward someone? Love isn’t enough, I know that but there’s a level when you love someone so much & you can’t simply break the commitment and walk away because you’re too attached & you whole live revolve around them.. And to be honest I was too afraid to cut Faris off because I didn’t believe that I’ll ever have a replacement to him.

p.s: I replies each & every one of your comments .. allah ya7fthkom oo yas3edkom! <3