8 }~

A long post ..
Dedicated to your souls ;*
Love you girls;*



I couldn't sleep that night..
I kept sniffing and rolling in my bed all night long ..
I couldn't believe enna he's not .. Mine!
What is love?
I just wanna know the answer of this question ..
Because I'm feeling something new .. Something weird ..
And I just can't point my finger on ..!

" Shouuuuuuuuggggggggggg .. " my mom kept yelling ..
" gomaay! It's 2 pm!! 7aram 3alaich!! "

I opened my eyes .. and nodded ..
Shoug : " inshalla! Inshalla! "
She went out side my room ..

I covered my head with my cold Buffy yellow cover ..
And started my day with a .. hot tear touched my frozen heart ..

After washing my face .. brushing my teethes .. eating corn flex ..
I checked my mobile ..
Do you know the feeling elli mn kether ma you're down ..
You don't wanna see your mobile because every time it beeps your heart
hurts you more and more?

I found one mms ..

From: Nouf
It was a picture of Nouf and faris holding vanilla ice cream and smiling toward the camera ..
it was wonderful ..

I zoomed and zoomed and zoomed .. there he is ..
His charming face ..
I stared for few mins at his face ..
I whispered : " what's happening to me faris? .. I can't control my self.. help me .. im falling .. and .. it hurts .. "

* beep *

From : Nouf
" heeey beautiful did you received the picture? "

To: Nouf
" yaaaaa it's amazing ;) "

From: Nouf
" heheheh thanks .. we charming love birds .. "

I thought like : " huh! A7ad yemda7 rou7ah bil ghasub ?? "
I just wanted to bunch her on the face ..
To cut her into small pieces and throw her to sharks!
I just wanted to spit on her face ..
To .. CRY HARD!

I joined msn as always ..
Put (busy) ..
Because makan li khelq chatting at all ..

*deeding*
* deeding*
*deeding*

I said : " bas bas! Darainaaaa enna you're talking! Ge6aa3! "

I though it was jassim or fa6oom ..
No3hum when anyone joined msn .. they'll start talking oo typing ebsir3a 3alshan e6afroona oo start sending nudges oo hal suwalif illy taqher ..

I turned my red eyes to the laptop screen ..
It was ..

( - Faris ….)

Why? Why you're talking to me?

I just wanted to ran away ..
While screaming ..

I opened the conversation ..

- Faris …. Says:
Hello

- Faris ….Says:
Aloo??

- Faris…. Says:
Shaklich really busy .. just wanted to say hi ..

I took a deep breath ..
I don't have the right to be mad ..
I didn't say anything to him about falling hard for him ..
Oo Noufa too matadre enna Im .. in love .. with .. the one she chose..!
so .. astahel!

- Shougan .. ya3ni mafe? Mafe ghairek eb kil hatha ilwujod? .. Says:
Ahleeeeeeeen .. Sorry kent away ;)

- Faris .. Says:
La that's okay ..

Awkward silent ..
So he knew that Nouf told me about "them" ?
He loves her back?
Even if he doesn't .. any man in this world if a girl told him that she loves him .. he'll love her back!!! ohma chethe…!!

- Faris …. Says:
Miss you ;*

I just start collecting my broken heart..!
I don't wanna fall for a taken man!!
I just can't ..
oo mo ay man? ..
NOUF'S MAN?
My best cousin ..
I just can't do that to her ..
But nouf ..
Seriously ..
Mako ella faris?? :')


- Shougan .. ya3ni mafe? Mafe ghairek eb kil hatha ilwujod? .. Says:
Me too walla misses you all guys ;)


And I went offline ..

I just ran to our backyard ..
And start crying and breathing so fast ..
I need some ear ..
I'm choking with my tears and my disappointment ..
How can I face them as a "couple" ?
When the idea of it killed me that much?

*beep*

From: Nouf
" where are you? .. Im faris ;) "

Are they kidding me??
Uhma qasdene wela shenu?
And we have been close since forever ..
Men metaaaaaaaaaa faris ediz msg from her mobile?

I replied :
" Im sleepy oo banam! Gn "

While I was going up stairs to my room ..

" Nouf" is calling ..
I pressed the red button ..
And closed in on her face !

From : Nouf
" what's wrong with you? .. I'm N.! "

I texted her back ..

To : Nouf
" men meta faris yestakhdiim ur mobile? .. did you told him? "

From : Nouf
" wait .. why you're angry at me! Did I do anything wrong? "

To : Nouf
" No you didn't .. shakli ya nouf walla ana elli did! :') .. Im tired .. good night .. "

" Nouf" .. Is calling

I took a deep breath ..
And picked the phone ..

" alo .. " I said .. it was obvious that I was crying ..

Nouf : " heeey babe .. "

Shoug : " hala nouf .. what wrong? "

Nouf : " what's wrong with you .. mu with me .. "

a couldn't control my tears ..
and my sniffing ..

Shoug : " nothing nouf! .. im tired oo banam! "

Nouf : " shougo .. "

Shoug : " ha nouf? ha? "

Nouf : " can I ask you a question? "

Shoug : " wh-what? .. " *Sneef*

Nouf : " how do you feel right now? "

Shoug : " I wanna slap you on the face nouf! I swear I do .. " and I start crying ..

Nouf : " men mita e7na chethe ha shougo? Men mita ma etgolili what's happening in your life? .. what's in your heart ha? .. menu elli galli once " we share hearts and thoughts" ?? .. mu hatha kalamch? .. "

Shoug : " *Sneef* .. what do you mean ya3ni..? "

There was a white flash on my head ..
I couldn't understand anything ..
I though this would be the last phone call between me and Nouf ..
And over what? Over .. faris!
The idea of loosing nouf and faris at the same time .. crushed my heart ..

Nouf : " shougo ya 7mara 3alabalich ana blind wela ma3rfich?? "

I'll lose her .. Now ..
I knew it ..
Sa7abt clinks from my bag ..
And started whipping me cheeks ..
I took a long breath ..

Shoug : " Noufa .. I wish you luck ok? And Im happy for you .. but please .. Im tired ok? And I don't wanna talk about anything right now .. ok? And please add to that ….. "

Nouf cut me off : " listen to me.. listen .. before more than one month .. when we were in mama 6aiba's house oo you was seeing hatha il greek wedding movie .. tathkeren? "

Shoug : " I don't wanna know how your love story started nouf! I really don't want ……."

She cut me off again : " shut upppp Shougggg and listen to what I have to sayyy..! " ..

she added while giggled : " hathe elli ba6eqha .. "

I smiled .. that's my nouf!

Shoug : " golay .. im all yours"

Nouf : " that day .. faris came to me oo galle enna he loves you since forever oo never knew how to tell you .. because etha gallich oo you didn't feel the same it would be awkward and we'll lose our group cus beser ilwath3 khayis oo we'll never be able to hang out together .. he was gonna tell you enna he loves he eb that meeting eli sawwoh lihum eljam3a .. but he couldn't .. and yoom bait mama 6aiba .. we played truth or dare 3alashan enshuf maytich! .. and you broke his dream Shougo .. kesartay feeh! "


I think I saw heaven while she was describing the way he was trying so hard to tell me ..
I recalled a lot of situations where faris kan begooli shay oo tana7!

Nouf : " shougo? "

I was smiling and blushing ..

Nouf : " and one more thing .. I do not love him! Wai333 loooooool! " and she break a laugh ..

Shoug : " oh god noufo! "

I closed my eyes ..
And threw my self on the bed ..

Shoug : " and shdarach now enna I'll say ok and it wouldn't be awkward? "

Nouf : " wayhich! .. aslant 7ady met7asfa laish I wasn't there to see your face! I know it's worthless! "

I giggled : " khaisaaaa .. "

Nouf : " fedait el soout elli khaaaqqqq .. "

I blushed so hard : " heheh chubaaaaaay .. "

Nouf : " so .. what do you think shouga? "

I whispered while smiling : " I think I love him .. I really do .. "


















…………. " oo ras ommiiiiiii me tooo! "
He yelled from the back!
I was on speaker?
Shit! Fashlaaaaaa ..

7 } ~

I opened my eyes in the middle of the night...
Checked my mobile...

From: Nouf
2:30am
12. Aug.2002
"Hey guys ... gonna miss you all!;* take care .. I'll text bas ousal .. "

What?
It has been 2 days since I told her about me and faris!
oo she told me enna she's gonna ask him oo etgooli ..
and that what I get after 2 days of waiting?

I texted her ..
To: Nouf
" etrou7en wetriden bilsalama honey;* .. did you talked to faris?? "

She didn't replay ..
So I fell a sleep ..
And in the morning .. guess what?
I didn't fond anything!

The days were moving so slowly without Nouf and faris ..
I love jassim oo fa6oom oo a7mad .
But my relationship with nouf was something else ..
Something out of this world ..
And faris .. you know!;'*

** (( Rajja3 shere6 7ayatak .. alleb fe thekrayatak .. 7a etla'ey 7abeb wafalak .. 7aqaqlak kul amalak .. yama shaal il basma mn foog shafaifoo 3ashan yedehalak .. kan huwa ildafa oo ilbard .. kan 7uthnuu janayen ward .. kan 7abebe far7ak .. waqt jar7ak kan yebki badalak ….)) **

My phone rang ..
While I was in my own world ..

My mom : " Shouug .. "

In my head : " why I'm so down and concern about faris? .. he's my cousin tara … I shouldn't care this much! .. what's wrong with me? "

My mom : " SHOUUUUUUUGG!! "

I jumped : " haa.. hala? Hala? "

My mom giggled : " heheheh esmillah 3alaich .. ur phone is ringing sarla sena! "

1 Missed call ..
" jassim "

I called him back ..

Shoug : " hala jassom .. "

Jassim : " ha shwaig shlonch? "

Shoug : " good.. you? "

Jassim : " you don't sound "good" at all! .. 3asa masher? Be3eeni bil soug yuba .. "

Shoug: " ma-mafene shay wa-walla .. "

My voice starts shaking ..
I was weak!
I don't know why ..

Jassim : " shougo!!! Shfech? La etkhar3eny! "

I took a deep breath : " nothing walla .. "

Jassim : " you know ena I'm always there for you .. sa7? "

I nodded : " I know jassom .. thankyou 7abebe inta .. "

Jassim : " shda3wa .. you're my sister .. "

I smiled ..
I felt peace naw3an ma ..
I felt enna I'm not completely alone ..

I closed the line ..
Wella there's a msg from Nouf ..

From: Nouf
" hello;* shloonich .. miss you ;* "

Galbi naghazne ..
Nouf mu chethe tetkallam ..
There's something different!

I replied …..

To: Nouf
" ahleeeeen .. good ;) .. miss you too .. "

I roolled in my bed ..
I was tired imotionly
I couldn't figure out what's wrong with me ..
I felt like .. loosing my self!

From: Nouf
" wainch at home? .. Deshay msn ... miss you;* "

THAT WASN'T NOUF!!!!!!
SHE DON'T SPEAKES CHETHE .. AT ALL!!!

She got into my nerves ..
Ehya already ba66a chabdi laish 7aqratne oo didn't talk to faris!
I was pissed off because of the fact that she's with faris and I'm .. NOT!

I joined msn ..

- Nouf .. P A R I S .. says:
Ahlaaaaaan ahlaaaaaaaaaan ;* miss you ..

- Shouga .. hal za3la la tab6e il entethar mamlool..! ;'* .. says:
hala 7obe .. miss you too .. shlonch? Shakhbarich? Are you having fun? ;*

- Nouf .. P A R I S .. says:
Eeeeh walla .. waaaaayid ;p

Her display picture showed it ..
It was her and faris in front of evil tower ..
I missed his face so much ..
I moved my toshiba laptop close to my face ..
Her dp 7ad'ha small! I couldn't see 3adiil ..

- Shouga .. hal za3la la tab6e il entethar mamlool..! ;'* .. says:
your displaaaaay etshaaaaaawiq .. shakla il weather 3awar galb! ;/

- Nouf .. P A R I S .. says:
Yaa .. and faris too! 3awar galb :*!

My eyes start scratching me ..
And my throat start shaking ..
I wasn't able to understand shenu taqsed..!

- Shouga .. hal za3la la tab6e il entethar mamlool..! ;'* .. says:
hehe .. ya7lela salmay 3alaihum kelhum

- Nouf .. P A R I S .. says:
Yousal ;* .. agoolich shogoo I wanna tell you something .. baine oo bainech .. okay?

- Shouga .. hal za3la la tab6e il entethar mamlool..! ;'* .. says:
noufo men sejich you're asking?? .. Sure you can say whatever you want! ;*

- Nouf .. P A R I S .. says:
7abebtiiiiiiii ;* ..

My heart start beating so fast ..
7asait enna it's beating in my throat!

- Nouf .. P A R I S .. says:
Ana men ziman 7asa eb hal shay . but now I had the courage to bring it out to the whole world ..

- Shouga .. hal za3la la tab6e il entethar mamlool..! ;'* .. says:
are you pregnant? ;p

I start giggling in a nervous way ..
I was so pissed off .. oo ham scared ..
I wanted to show her that " I don't care"!
And channy cool oo 3adii .

- Nouf .. P A R I S .. says:
Heheheh .. NO! ;p .. agoolich ..

She starts typing ..
It took her a while ..

- Nouf.. P A R I S .. says:
It have been 2 weeks we7na eb Paris .. and today qarart enna I'll take a step ..
Shougoo im falling so hard for faris! .. I couldn't imagine enna I'll fall for him .. but .. well, it happened .. he's so sweet , charming and caring man .. and he's my cousin after all! Ya3ni mu a7ad ma3ref tarbeta oo his family oo chethe ..

IT WAS A SNAP ON MY FACE..!!
I covered my face with my small hands ..
And took a deep breath ..

- Nouf .. P A R I S .. says:
Shougoo I know enna it's hard to face all the family .. maybe some of them will find it sick .. bas I LOVE HIM .. and I shouldn't care what others think ..!

- Shouga .. hal za3la la tab6e il entethar mamlool..! ;'* .. says:
but .. but you're older..!

- Nouf .. P A R I S .. says:
In what? .. 3 months? .. 3ady!!

- Shouga .. hal za3la la tab6e il entethar mamlool..! ;'* .. says:
did you told him??


PLEASE SAY NO .. SAY NO ..!

- Nouf .. P A R I S .. says:
Shougo .. I have to go now .. bas agdar ashbik I'll text you .. bye babe;*

I closed the laptop without shutting it down..!
It broke my heart ..
It literally b r o k e m y h e a r t ..

I laid down in my bed ..
Remembering her words ..
She's saying my thoughts ..
Chenna .. ana!

Wait shoug ..

Do You love him?
Do You wanna show him off to the world?

I closed my eyes ..
Hoping i wont open it the next day ..!

6 } ~

It have been 2 weeks since the last time I saw faris ..
I really don't know what's wrong with him ..
He didn't show up in mama 6aiba's house ..
Wella dash msn …
He just disappeared!

I called him twice .. bas marad!
I texted him ..

To: Faris
"Miss you faros ;* .. shloonik? .. hope to see you gabel la tamshon ;) "

They were going to Paris after few days ..
Bait khalti Ghada ( faris's mom) oo bait khalti Hissa ( Nouf's mother) ..

It was Wednesday morning...
When I received msg from lulu..
From: lulu
" Hi girls .. Don't forget our lunch today at 2pm in chocolate bar marina mall ;) .. Hope to see you there.. Reply please ;p "

To : lulu
" suuuuuure! I'm on the way ;p heheheh"

It was around 12:30pm
So I took a shower , changed into my Mandela satin dress it was cocktail so libast fooga a light brown cardigan and waved my hair blushed my cheeks with peachy colored blusher .. and took my Gucci big bag .. oo called for Shakeer our driver ..

On the way to the gulf road ..
I was searching for any msg or missed call men faris!
Mn kether ma ana mestaghreba laish malah 7es gilt maybe he sent a msg or called wana mashifta!
I Pressed " Faris " ..
No answer ..!

I called Nouf ..

Shoug : " noufa! "

Nouf in a sleepy voice : " hallaaaa .. "

Shoug : " did you talk to faris this few days? "

Nouf : " what? Faros? .. mmm I guess .. "

Shoug : " I .. "

Nouf : " wait I saw him yesterday in mama 6aiba's house! ..
why you are asking? "

Shoug : " I don't know what's wrong with him .. fagdetah mn ziman ma dag or asked about me .. "

Nouf : " mn meta we wait each other to call or ask?? .. you call him! "

Shoug : " I did!! .. I called him gabiL degega! Oo he didn't answered me! .. I don't know laish a7is enna he's za3lan 3alay or something ..! "

Nouf : " I don't think so..! you didn't do anything wrong to him .. did you? "

Shoug : " uuhh .. no! .. I'm sure I didn't do anything wrong ..! "

Wesalt chocolate bar ..
Oo we sat inside because of the kheesa oo 7ar out side ..
It was nice .. but akward ..
I hate how I cant fit it ..
I can't have fun without my cousins .
A7is enna there's something missing bedoonhum ..
Oo even etha 6ala3t with friends .. ma astanis ..
A7is I want them .. maby friends ghair my cousins .. uuh ! ;/

…. : " enta wain ya3ne? khalas khalas yuba kanna yeyeenkom .."

I knew this voice ..
The ba77a ..
The .. WARM ba7a!
I knew it ..

I was giving the door my profile ..
So I turned ..
And Faris turned his face as well ..
So our eyes met for seconds before he moved his adorable eyes away ..
Ana walked out of chocolate bar ..
My heart froze ..
And I felt cold in the middle of august!
I felt like running after him ..
Hug him ..
Asking him : " what's wrong with you?? "

After the lunch I went to my grandmother house oo I didn’t saw him also!
I was so mad oo pissed off that night ..
Kint really really maqhooooura!
Whyyyyyyy he's ignoring me??
He's not only my cousin! ..
He's so special to me ..!

I joined msn around 8pm..

- Faris .. afthait serrin khafi fe galbe menketim!!

I pressed his nickname ..


- Shougan says:
Hiiiiiiiiii ..

After 5 mines maybe ..

- Faris .. afthait serrin khafi fe galbe menketim!! says:
Hala.

- Shougan says:
Miiiiiiiiisssssssssssss youuuuuuuu;*


- Faris .. afthait serrin khafi fe galbe menketim!! says:
Me too ..

- Shougan says:
What's wrong with you?

- Faris .. afthait serrin khafi fe galbe menketim!! says:
Ana? .. nothing! : )

- Shougan says:
Don't lie to me faris .. I know there's something wrong.. tara walla I have been calling mn 3 weeks maybe wnta 7aqirne!!! I though before safraktoom we'll see each other .. abi ashba3 menkom!!! *crying icon*

My tears start rolling down ..

- Faris .. afthait serrin khafi fe galbe menketim! Is typing ..

I added ..

- Shougan says:
And by the way I SAW YOU TODAY IN CHOCOLATE BAR!!!!!!
Ana etsid 3anny faris? Ana?? .. I didn't do anything to you .. oo you have been ignoring me oo treating me like shit from 3 weeks oo ana sakta oo bala3t'ha mn ghalatik .. oo after all of that .. etshofne oo etsid? Like we were kind of strangers ..!

He stopped typing ..
After few minutes .
He started typing again ..

I start crying so hard while reading my words over and over again ..
I searched for clinks around me .. makan fe ..
So I went to the bathroom ..
Washed my face ..

And get back to the laptop ..


- Faris .. afthait serrin khafi fe galbe menketim!! says:
First of all .. I hate this question! .. " did I do anything wrong for you!" .. you should know it by ur own! .. You not a little kid kelma SAR shay bennyye engoolich that's wrong and that's right! and No shoug you DID NOT! If that what you wana hear ..


- Faris .. afthait serrin khafi fe galbe menketim!! says:
And about chocolate bar .. you were with your friends .. so I wouldn't come over and say hi ..! and Jassim were after me ..! ze3lay 3alaih uhwa ba3ad if that's ur new strategy!


- Faris .. afthait serrin khafi fe galbe menketim!! says:
And I'm NOT ignoring you! Bas I'm busy with other things .. and I thought enny bashofich eb bait mama 6aiba .. but I was wrong .. and I went yesterday to say goodbye gabil ilsafra because im going to chalet with friends .. anyway wasil salamich! : )

My eyes winded ..
And my heart start beating faster and faster ..
I couldn't believe what I'm seeing!
No! No!
I'm in bad dream or something..!

I wrote :

Shougan says :
You .. are you telling me that you'll travel without saying good bye to .. me?

- Faris .. afthait serrin khafi fe galbe menketim!! Appears to be offline. messages you will send will be delivered when they sign in. E-mail this contact instead

I couldn’t believe it!
I called nouf ..
She was closer to me than Fatima ..
I don't know why ..

Nouf : " halaaaaaaaaaaaa .. "

Shoug : " ……" crying !

Nouf voice changed : " shougooo!! What's wronnnng!! "

Shoug : " uuuuh .. fa .. "

Nouf : " ha? What? "

Shoug : " he hates me for no reason noufo! I can't believe it ! "

Nouf : " what? Menu uhwa? .. mafhamt! "

I told her what happened ..
Kilshay eb galbi gelta ..
I didn't told anyone enna he's ignoring me men 3 weeks..
So I told her every little detail ..

Nouf : " haw! What's wrong with him..! he's so normal with me and fatma! .. we saw him ams eb mama 6aiba ..! it's weird shogo! .. "

Shoug : " *sneef* .. I know! "

Nouf : " I'll ask him what's wrong okay? "

I nodded : " ok sure .. "

It killed me deep inside ..
Because me and faris were the close ones in the group!
Mu uhwa oo nouf!
Do you know eli dakheL il group there's 2 close persons ..
So I expect him to tell me what's wrong .. mu egool 7ag nouf!

5 } ~

Dedicated to the one I saw today ..
Dedicated to .. Faris! :')







I froze in my place ..
I just loved the sound of his warm mab7ou7 voice ..

Shoug : " hala? "

Faris : " mmmm .. Well, I just wanted to ask you a question .. Did you received my msg yesterday? "

I nodded : " yes .. But 6awalt 3alay so I slept .. "

He smiled while his eyes became soft and charming .. : " im sorry ha .. "

Shoug : " that's okay faris .. mn sejik! It's nothing .. "

Faris : " good .. wain ray7a? "

Shoug : " taking money from my mom for jassim's birthday ga6eyya .. "

Faris : " khalas ana 3azmch .. "

I giggled while blushing men il fashla : " nooo! Shakuu! .. "

Faris : " it's the way of saying sorry to you .. ok? "

Shoug : " no kellish malah da3e faris .. I'll pay .. please! "

Faris : " shrayich ta5then mn your mom 30 oo ana a3zemch .. oo etseren mu daf3a oo 3endich 30 kd? "

I laughed : " hahhaha eviiiiiiiil! .. bas it's a great idea by the way! "

Faris : " yalla go .. "

I went to my mother and took 30 kd. From her .. oo faris paid for me ..

After the lunch and everything ..
Fatima , Jassim , Nouf , faris and a7mad went out side to swim oo tan ..
I just hate tanning ..
Ma7eb yethgayyir looni oo aslan the tanned color mu 7elu 3alay..!
Yeah there was no big swimming pool or anything!
They just share the kids small blue swimming pool! et3arfoona? ;p Heheheh
Anyways ,

I layed on the couch while watching "my big fat greek wedding " ..
Eb akhir 10 mins mn ilmovie .. all the guys dashaw ..
Ma3ada fatma oo faris ..
He was holding her things cus eshkither'hum ..
I told you! He was there for everyone!
Jassim stood jidam il TV.

Jassim : " haa a7mdo .. Shfeeek channa mo 3ajbik enny wegaft "

Shoug : " waaaaaaaaaaaaaakhir! "

A7med start laughing so hard: " wakhir 3anny la abcheee .. Im watching the movie while dreaming about my wedding .. "

Refa3t my eyes : " chub chub enta .. " I kept moving my head 3asa ashuf shay!
" jaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssiiiiiiiiimmm! Moveeeeee awayyy ya sakhef!! "

Jassim kept playing with his mobile ..

Shoug : " ya maliq! Walla sakhef sakheeeeeef!! "

Faris opend the out door of the living room ..
uhwa il door mal il living room 3ala il7oosh ..

Faris : " shfech etsarkhen! "

I pointed 3ala jassim while making – I'll cry now!- expression .. :
" HATHAAAAA! "

Faris : " shfeh!"

Shoug : " uuugh! Wakhir ya ebn il naaaaaaaaaas..! "

Jassim and a7med oo 7etan noufo kept talking oo yamshun jedam il tv.!
Sana3t ga3dety bedal il laying down ..

Shoug : " huuuuf .."

Faris sat next to me in the comfy IKEA navy coach ..
Refa3 his foot ..
And ga3id e7uus feha ..

The smell of the sun, tan and colure on his chest .. unforgettable ..


after few mins. wana embawza oo at7al6am ..
he did his "famous" move ..
where he moves his head closer to you ..,

Faris : " khalas la tez3eleen .. fajoora my sister 3endaha eyah .. bas enrid elbait I'll send it to you oo buy her another one .. ok ? "

I smiled : " that's okay .. 6af .. "

Faris said while messaging the button of his foot : " aaakh! "

Shoug : " shfeek et7us eb your foot? "

Faris spoke like a little kid : " et3awernii Madre shenu dayis .. "

I smiled : " Smellah 3alaik .. "

Jassim : " gomaw gomaw .. yallaaa truth or dare .. "

We all sat in the middle of the living room ..
And there's a 7up bottle in the centre ..
Jassim moved it ..

Jassim : " Nooooooouf .. ask .. Fatima .. "

Nouf : " mmmmmm .. well , would you ever fall for your cousin? "

Immediately I spotted Faris .. who just turned his face to see my expression ..
I moved my eyes away ebsir3a ..

Fatima : " mmm no! noway! .. wai3! They like brothers to me .. "

I nodded ..

Jassim moved the bottle again ..

A7med : " yalla! .. Faris ask shoug .. "

We stared at each other ..
My heart just .. sank

He smiled ..

Faris : " the same Question..! "

Fatima yelled : " ma esssssssser! Malaqa! "

Jassim : " la 3ady 3ady..! it's a game after all .. "

I smiled : " the same answer I guess .. "

His eyes winded ..
And his smile was taken far away from his lips ..

Noufa moved the buttole ..
While Faris was staring harldy on me!


** (( ya soora rasemha fe kha6eri oo bale e7sasi tarjamha ennik 7abeb ghali ..
wain oo meta algak? Walli be3ed ehnak? Ya sayyedii gulli ay soob 3anawenik?? )) **


My phone rang ..
Ashart ib my hand ..

Shoug : " shway 3an ethenkom .. "
I stood up .. : " hala lulu .. "
She was a friend from school ..
kenna eb neteffeq 3ala 6al3a with all the girls Next week ..

I heard Jassim's voice : " a7medoo es'aL faarros .. "

Faris : " ba6alna .. malait! "

And he walked away .......

4 } ~

I was totally in shock!
Shda3wa 3alaaaaaih..!

I texted Nouf ; " msn now now now ;'( "
After 10 mins she joined msn ..
awaL ma dashat ..

shougan :
ommmmg! I can't believe it!!

N :
Whaaat?? Tara 5ara3tene!!

I sent her the chat log

N:
Huh! .. shfeeh hatha? Shda3wa!

I choked with my own tears ..

Shouga :
I don't know nofooo! .. did I really offence him in nino??

N:
No! .. it was random! Mu awwal Mara enyeb 6ari enah mareth ..it's a fact shogo .. mu masabba!

Shouga :
I don't know ..

N :
Telgaina he's stressed men iltafker eb ilsufar oo Now il summer holiday oo entay zedteeha 3alaih ..

Shoug :
Yeah maybe .. :'(

N:
Khara3eten! … yalla I'll go back to sleep .. oo you gomay namay ..
ilsalfa ma tiswa tara! he'll calm down bachir akeed ..

I thought : " yeah .. She's right .. "

I closed the laptop ..
And washed my face mn ilcucomber face mask ..
And layed down in my bed ..
I have this habit when I couldn't sleep ,,
I opens all the files in my mobile oo ag3ad ashuf oo delete elli mabehum ..
While I was reading my last birthday msgs ..

I received a new msg .. I stared at the time ..
It was 2:30am!

From: faris
" hey all .. Bacher bring to elyam3a 30kd... Jassim's birthday is next week ;)
so we'll buy him something nice ;) sweet dreams.. Goodnight"

I pressed ( move to .. ) folder (F) ..
140 msg.
I stared at the number of msgs that faris had sent it to me ..
Laish ga3da asayevhum?
Some of the msgs were just "ok .. " or " we'll meet you there! "
ya3ni ashya ma tiswa eny asayevha ..

God I don't know why laima faris ekon around a7is eb kahraba all over my body..
I love him so much .. But not as a brother .. not yet as a lover ..
I feel like I just wana be around him ..
I just wana make sure that he's fine and happy ..

To : faris
2:35 am
" I can't sleep faris .. "

From : faris
2:37am
" why? "

To: faris
2:39am
" because of you :( .. "

He ignored my msg for like 10 mins ..
So I fell a sleep ..

The next morning ..
When I woke up I found 2 msgs from him ..

From: faris
3:10 am
" really? .. "

From: faris
3:35 am
" shoug im sorry .. I was angry about few things oo thayagne enich 3amalteny eb nino like a little child infront of Nouf and Jassim , anyway that don't give me the right to cross the lines .. so Im sorry shouga;* .. "

I smiled ..
Get up and washed my face ..
Used my strawberry morning scrub from the bodyshop
And left my hair in a slik ponytail ..
Libast my dark skinny jeans with cotton large " I ROCK" tee .

Dakhalna bait my grandmother,.
I kissed all my aunts oo my grandparents ..
Went to the other living room where all the guys should be..
Awal ma I entered the room ..

Nouf : "where's the money? "
I giggled: "ohh I forgot ... wait degeega ... I'll take from my mom ..."
As I was turning side il door when faris were entering the room...
So I latterly crashed into him..
I just shrinked ..
He was tall mashalla ..
I was like 155 and he's around 180 ..
So I was nothing comparing to him mashalla ..

Shoug : " aaaaaaaaawccch .. !! "
Faris hold my shoulder : " ta3awartay? "
I shook my head while moving few steps away from him : " no .. no .. "
I just blushed like hell ..
Shoug : " sorry ana elli dashait fek eheheh .. "
Faris : " I know .. bas 7asaitch ta3awartay! Tawny ala7eth how small are you! "

Nouf and a7mad laughed so hard mn awal ma da3amna ba3ath bas m3a ga66at ena tawa faris ella7eth "how small I am! " hastaraw the7ik ..

Shoug : " hehe .. maliq! .. I said enna Im sorry "

Faris : " la oo maktob 3ala ur shirt " I Rock" .. you Rock what babe wintay hal nitef? Nobody's in the out world will notice you 3alshan you rock there worlds "

Shoug : " hahahahahaha! Chub chub .. move away bas yalla! I wanna go to my mom! "

Faris : " why? You're gonna rock her head eb 7anitch? "

I really couldn't control my laugh : " heheheh .. I hate you maleq .. "

I was walking toward the "adults" living room ..
While saying to my self ..
Chathaba! You'll never hate him!

I was just gonna enter the living room ..

Faris from my back :

" Shoug …."

3 } ~

After 2 hours the meeting khallas ..
We decided to head to Nino alba7ar to eat dinner .. It was around 7:45pm
I'm only allowed to stay out side till 10pm! So I don't have much time to hang out ..
We sat down there .. While ordering our main dishes immediately ..

** While we were waiting .. **

Jassim : " ha farrroos .. shrayik eb 7acheehum? "
Faris smiled.. he always had been the example of tanaqoth! .. he's weak and tuff .. naughty but innocent .. his eyes had this soft touch while his sharp nose show his manly side .. he's silent and quit but at the same time he's always there to support others .. he's understanding but protective .. he's just so .. unique!
Faris : " she'3ul 3adil .."
I swallowed my sadness: " but .. "
Faris : " but what shooguu? "

He had a sexy move and he always do it for others -Male or females- et3arfoon when you call someone .. egarreb his face oo his eyes talkes to you?? .. LITTERLY talks to you?? .. I always felt his emotions throw his big eyes .. it's warm and so alive..!

Shoug : " farooos .. I'll miss you guys .. "
Nouf : " ee wallaaaaah! .. tara it's malaqa without you walla .. "
Shoug : " stay here .. go to KU .. 3afyaaaaaa .. "
Jassim : " NO WAY! "

The waiter came with our food ..
I kept moving the fork over and over around my polo Nona plate ..
Faris moved my plate closer to me : " eat .. " .. he whispered : " please .. ! "
It just took my heart out ..
I was so down because I knew it! ..
The minute they go to USA .. we'll not be close chethe anymore!

I forgot to mention something .. that Nouf , Jassim , Fatima and faris kelhum the same age 17-18 .. but Me and a7med were younger ib 2 years taqreban ..

Nouf : " enzain laish ma all the three of us go to handasa here in Kuwait? "
Jassim : " I don't want Engineering mn elasas! .. and I do wanna go to usa! .. I have been waiting for this opportunity since forever! "
Shoug : " and .. me! .. e7na .. shloon etkhallonaaaah? "
Faris : " shoug it's 2002! .. there's internet and mobiles .. la et7ateen .. we'll keep in touch .. we'll still be a family mahma safarna oo ba3adna .. "
A tear rolled on my cheek .. mesa7t'ha ibser3a ..
I was so weak when the things contain my loved ones ..
Shoug : " bas .. you faris .. "
Faris : " shfene .. ? "
Shoug : " you're not in a good health .. etrou7 there tahmel rou7ik oo
mafe anyone can take care of you .. "
He cut me off : " shut up shoug! I'm not a child to need anyone to take care of me! .. im big enough to watch over my self! "
Shoug : " I know .. but .. "
Faris : " no buts!! .. don’t dare mention it ever again! "
my voice start shaking : " s..sorry .. "

" 5-6 years back" .. I remember the day that I knew that something were wrong with Faris and why he was so special in my grandmother place ( even though he was the first grandson ) there was another secret to keep it deep in my heart ..
my mom and khalti Ghada ( Faris mom) kanaw yetkalemoon 3annah oo it makes sense to me 7azat'ha fahamt laish khalti Ghada oo her husband 3ami 3abdilra7man always kanaw esafroon with Faris ! mn oo e7na little kids kanaw kil summer esafron .. and I remember feeh 2 years when we were around 10-9 years old .. ekhtifaw for what seemed like 2 years ..
Faris had born with CHF or as they call it bil 3ameya terms "heart failure" condition it's not like he's gonna die any second! .. but it means that his heart can't pump enough blood throughout his body the way it should .. it can lead to serious side effects such as CAD, heart attack , high blood pressure and diabetes .
So yes .. he was really sick .. but he didn't let the sickness let him down .. he was powerful person with such a great personality .. 3moman the heart failure ma ekhalli il wa7ed emot or living bil hospital all the time no .. it just cause tiredness and shortness of breathe.


I went home... take my clothes off and sat with my father...
Around 12am I went to my room...
Opened my Toshiba laptop and wear a comfy PJ oo taraba3t 3ala il bed..
Wrote my email address on the tab and clicked ( sign in .. )
Then went to the bathroom to put a cucumber face mask 3ala ma edish il msn ..


*deeding* ..
The famous msn sound called me ..
( fayaya) ..
I opened the conversation ..
There was fayaya ( Fatima) .. Ahmed .. and Jassim ..
We kept talking about random things .. while me and ahmed kept whining oo en7in enna naby enrou7 iljam3a hehehe ..
The baby blue box popped out ..
( Faris .. )
I don't know menu invited him .. bas mu Ana ..

Fayaya :
7ayaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllaaaaaaaaaah faaaaaarrrrroooossss ;)

I watched him typing ..
I don't know why my heart started beating so fast ..

Faris :
Hallaaaaa bil7uuuub ;*

Fayaya :
hala walla ya ba3ad galbe ..

Hahaha .. they used to act like lovers sometimes late at night! It was funny sometimes .. not only fa6ooma and faris .. all of us .. even girl-girl love affairs was okay with us taly illail ;p hehehe ..

Ahmed :
Ana aghar chetheee! Fa6oom tawwa hal em'3azal lee!

Shougan :
Loool .. a7medane malik '3aire ;$

Fayaya :
Huh! Like I care (h)

Faris :
Eeeee walla dam m3ach il gumar malich oo maal a7mdo! :P

We start talking oo teasing each other ..
While faris kept IGNORING me!
Channy mu mawjooda bil invite ..
Till ..

Shougan:
Faris ..

After 5 mins maybe ..
While fa6om oo a7med sakten waiting for his answer!

Faris :
Brb

awch!
It was a snap on my face..
What the hell?
Why he's treating me like this?

I opened my main page bil msn ..
Oo clicked on his nickname ..

Shougan :
Take your time .. but when you're back we need to talk : )

In less than 10 seconds ..

Faris :
khair?

I took a deep breath ..

Shougan :
What's wrong with you? Shfeek 7aqerni bil invite?
Like I don't exist! Did I do anything wrong to you??

Faris :
Hmm .. No! ;)

Shougan :
Don't lie faris .. I know so well..! what's wrong?

Faris :
If you did anything wrong .. ilmafrouth by your own et3arfen!
I don't need to tell you ;)

Shougan :
No I didn't do anything wrong!!!

Faris :
So? Why you're asking 3ayal?

Shougan :
BECAUSE! .. you're acting like I did something wrong .. but I don't remember doing anything bad to you faris! .. so im asking ..

Faris :
Uh!

Shougan :
Im sorry okay? .. whatever it was .. ana mothakra ..
so for sure I didn't mean it !

Faris :
Shoug .. I wanna give you a piece of advice to your life .. ok?

I nodded ..
Ooh it's msn!

Shougan :
Sure..?

Faris :
Don't talk about someone's pain like it's urs! ;) ok honey?

I opened my mouth ..
And my eyes winded ..
Men meta kan his pain not mine?
Ay pain yaqsid asasan!

I was writing something like : la etgool chethe oo e7na wa7id oo bla bla bla ..

But he went offline ..
Without a simple word..

2 } ~

Good morning girls ..
I wanna tell you something mohem ..
Yes .. it is my story ;* ..
Sorry nesait agooL heheh ..
Enjoy , ;*

.
.

Kura : "shoug mama gooL come lunch.. "
I nodded..
Faris : " I'm 6ar6oor out here or what? "
I raised my eyebrows while getting up ..
Shoug : " you? .. Why? "
Faris : " ur maid .. She suppose to talk to me .. I'm the man! "
I smiled : " yeah I know .. Bas she's just a maid ma et3arf hal suwalif .. "

Faris was so strike when it comes to " sana3 oo osoul" he was the kind of persons elli when you say his name infront of anyone .. the first word they will say it about him is " RAYYYYYAAAAAAAL wennnnni3m.."

We sat on the tall table for lunch ..
Where jassim , Nouf and Fatima were setting ..
Jassim : " farroos did someone names Muhammed called you? "
Faris : " No .. why? "
Jassim : " they called me mn shway telling me that there's an important meeting for the freshmen's elli berou7oon usa! .. "
Faris : " aaaaha! .. I thought ennik tetkallam 3an shay thane ..
ana kalamni wa7id Esma Khalid .. bas galle nafs ilshay ya3ne .. "
Nouf : " Jassom enta mn meta betrou7 usa? "
Faris gave her a half evil smile ..
She screamed : " ommmmmmg! Entaaa emshaishaaaaaa!! Mu sa77777? "
They both break an evil laugh ..
Fatima : " Allah yastir menkom entaw lay teyama3taw! .. "
Shoug : " 7aram 3alaich .. I trust them "
Faris raised his eyes from his machboos : " 3ala rassi bu shaawwaag .. "
They all laughed 3ala il name il ghabi ..
Shoug : " oh god! Cham marra agoolik don't call me hal name .. I swear it a curse walla! .. "
Nouf : " hahahha .. I wanna come to this freshmen's meeting! "
Jassim :" shako shako! No ..! "
Shoug : " yaa me too .. "
Jassim : " No! .. Enthabraw here bas yalla .. "
Shoug : " Faris .. "
Faris was busy with his machboos hehehe ..
Shoug : " Faaaaaaaaaris .. "
Faris : " mm mm ? "
Shoug : " take us to the meeting weyyak please.. "
We both gave him a puppy eyes look ..
He smiled : " bu 7amood khaL nakheth fehom ajir! "
Jassim laughed : " heheheh 3alashan hal ga66a enwadeeeehom laish la! "

After few days ..
Jassim texted me ..
- Jassim : " Nouf and Shoug .. 4 pm entaw ready please .. "
I replied: " uhwa meta il meeting aslant? "
- Jassim : " @ 5:30 "
It was already 3:30pm! .. so I took a shower ..
And went to the living room to tell my mother about il meeting ..
She was like : " wentaw shaaaku? Laish razzen ilwayh! "
Shoug : " mama it's Jassim and faris! .. ya3ni you know what kind of relationships we have mu? "
My mom nodded : " luw ma uhma 7isbat ekhwanich ma rethaitlech .. "
I kissed her cheek : " thank you .. mama 6al3eeli what to wear? "
She came to my closet..
Mama : " mmmm .. Entay rou7ay saway sha3rich la et3a6lenhum...
wana a7e6lich shay 3ala Ur bed... "
I went to the bathroom where my hair dryer would always be; p ..
Nashaft sha3ri with hot air only ..
And then waved it ..
I love waving my hair without la asaweh sishwar 3adiL .. cus eser feeh more volume and madri ekoon alive!
I went back to my room .. wella mom 7a66a Christian Lacroix silk print dress on the bed .. With small pearl earrings... I was like: isn't that too much?
I searched for her in the living room, her room, the kitchen... makan Fe a7ad...
So I called...
(mama ;*)
Shoug : " alooo mama .. isn't the dress wayid over? "
Mama : " no honey .. because it's like a classic gathering kilman ekoon labis zain feeha .. it's like the graduation parties .. "
I got the idea ..
Shoug : " ahh .. ok great .. thankyou .. "
We closed the line and I just put blusher on my cheeks ..
I was 15 going to 16 .. but it wasn't okay with my parents to wear on makeup that age
Libast juicy small gold watch with kind of braces around it ..
And a flat metallic shoes ..
I received a msg from Nouf ..
- Nouf : " please please if jassim called you .. golilah ennich still ma khalastay ;p"
I giggled...

( Faris )
is calling...

Faris : " shogoooo oo ba3dain! Meta et5alson!! "
Shoug : " ammm ammm ammm .. now now enshalla .. "
Faris : " entay shkither boqalich?"
Shoug : " I'm ready aslan! Bas im waiting for Noufa"
Faris : " yalla yalla I'm coming to pick you okay? ..
kanna ana oo Jassim 6al3en mn ilkhaldeya .. 5 mins e7na 3endich .. "
Shoug : " oookk .. Agoolek.. "
6ob! He closed the line! Heheheh there was no *goodbyes* in his dictionary..

The picked me up from our house in alyarmouk .. and we picked Nouf from her house in alyarmouk too ..
On the way to shiraton hoteL where the gathering will be ..
Shoug : " so .. shenu eb tadrison bil thab6 in USA? "
Faris : "I want international business in George Washington university .."
Nouf : " where is that bil thab6? "
Faris : " Columbia .. "
I smiled : " Allah! Meshtahya ice cream Columbia..! "
I and Nouf start laughing about nothing! ..
While Jassim and faris kept staring at us in a – blonde girls!- look!


When we arrived shiraton ..
Faris was nervous more than jassim ..
He cheeks were red .. And kept playing with his dishdasha ..
I pulled his hand : " bas bas! Bet3affis il deshdasha ..! calm down .. you look gorgeous .. "
He smiled and his big eyes glowed ..
Somehow we looked like each other .. many people laima eshufoonnah egoloon : " eserlich? " .. it's the blood thing I guess ..
Because we share our family signature big eyes .. but he had a cheek bones and his lips not full as mine ..

Jassim : " yalla faros .. qawwey galbik .. and let's start our lives .. "
Faris whispered in a sarcastic way : " aqawwe galbi yougaf walla! "
And they both share a quick laugh gabeL la endish ..

The organizers said that it's okay to set girls yam boys ..
So we sat in the 5th line ..
Jassim .. faris .. Me .. Nouf .. next to her friend Jana elli sadafnaha there ..

Faris whispered: " shfech ga3da em6anqera .. Join nouf oo her friend ..."
Shoug : " la etmaliq .. you know me .. I don't speak with strangers! "
Faris smiled : " but she's noufa's friend .. mu completely stranger .. "
Shoug : " I don't want .. aste7y .. "
Faris : " wazeena il del3a .. "
We both giggled
Shoug : " hehehe chub maliq …"
I took a breath ..
Shoug : " Faris .. abe agoolik shay .. "
Faris garrab his ear menni ..
I could smell his manly fragrance ..
Faris : " amrayy? "
And here when I said something else ghair eli eb galbe..!
Shoug : " mmm .. mm .. don't joke about your sickness .. it's not funny! "
He nodded : " enshalla .. "
He was gonna say something ..

But some guy said publicly :
" alsalam 3alaikom .. thanks for coming today for ………."
so we shut our mouths up ..