The cliché of "completing" me.

& I didn’t disappear, I just stopped writing..




I’m writing this down because I have to let it go.



I hate my blog now, I DEEPLY HATE IT! and sometimes I think about starting Over a whole new blog with a different blog-name& memories..



“ you complete me” .. how cliché is that? .. I have learned the hard way that no one, NO ONE. Completes me.. from the start, it’s naive to believe that you’re not complete and need someone to fulfill you in anyway or matter, I'm not a puzzle, I'm a person.



A friend told me:

".... و أصلاً إنتي مو ناقصه علشان أحد يكملج"



The End.

55 } ~

I couldn’t sleep that night, I was very sad to the point Faris has reached on his life..

To: jassim

“ are you awake? Itha eee please call me.. “

After 10 mns he called ..

Jassim: Guwa

Shoug: ahleeen! I know you know everything that happened between me and Faris.. bas I’m so mad Jay.. ya3ni I still love him so much! he means the world to me .. always had, always will!

Jassim: 9ara7a shougoo ana madry sh9ar bainkom! Kel elly galah ley ena you broke up oo bas….

Jassim seemed to swallow some words..

Shoug: and?

Jassim: bas!

Shoug: laa! Wathe7 enna fe kalam zyaddaa jassim.. tell me please!

Jassim: shoug bas wakhray 3annah! Ana a9lan men yeena magomt akalma oo an6er elyoom elli ard feeh elkuwait..

Shoug: and why is that?

Jassim: ohwa 9ayir maynoon! Wayd yel3ab oo careless oo a6ba3a metghayra .. ma7issa elawellee..

Shoug: oh god! 7amdellah! 3abale it was just me! Sa7?

Jassim: la it’s not you.. it’s because of you, bas mo ga3d tetkhayelain .. he turned into a totally different person.. ana ma 3edt a3rfa!

Shoug: because of me? Ashkara you don’t know what happened!

Jassim: latkamleeen! I respect your privacy guys oo a9lan maby a3rf… shoug agolch el9ara7a oo mn elakheer?

I whispered: eeeh?

Jassim: there’s a typical idea of fooling around laima wa7ed ehed wa7da 3alashan yinsaha.. and that’s what faris is doing now.. ga3ed yel3ab oo e5arbe6 oo esaffir oo ekallem banat 3ala friends oo khbal .. bas 3alashan yensach..

I felt knifes on my chest..

Shoug: aha.

Jassim: ana ma wedy az3lch bas tara etha ohwa ghali entay aghla! Oo ma a7b ashoofch mza3la nafssich 3ala wa7da who’s trying his best enna yinsach! Maradda eb yensach oo entay lel7en eb nafs eldawama..

Shoug: sa7 kalamk.. thank you jassomi..

Jassim: you’re more than welcome, and I’m always there for u..

Shoug: jay…. Gabel la etsikka bas’elik… som3eta sarat khaisa?

He giggled: hehehe laa mo ley haldaraja! Kharabee6a 3adya..

Shoug: allah karem… thanks again!

I heard knocks on my door..

Shoug: meno?

Mom: omch!

Shoug: 7ayyach mama ..

Mom: menu kentay etkalmen?

Tears starts rolling on my cheeks, out of nowhere I crashed on the floor and let it all out ..

Mom hugged me tight: 7aaaaaaaaaaaaaaabebtyyyy!!!!!!! 7ayaaaaaattti entaaaaaaaaaaay! Ommmiiiiiii! Ya 3oooooomriiiiiiii … gomai gomaii .. ghaslaaaay .. 7abebetiiiiiiiiii shoshoooooooo gomaaaai ..

And with every sentence I cry even more ..

Shoug:  mamaaaa! Faris theba7niiii .. kisarle galbyyyy ..

Mom: ma yesteee7iii 3ala wayhaa .. malch sheeegheeel feeeehhh ..

She said that while whipping my tears with her warm fingers ..

I hugged her tight : ma abyyy ag3ad bel kuwaitt .. ma abyyy ashoog khalti ghada .. ma aby asma3 seertaa .. yumma ma abeeehom .. ma abeee ..

She hugged me tighter : inshala 7abeeebti .. wain ma tabeen enruu7 benrou7 .. la tabcheeen ..

Shoug: maa aby arou7 eljam3a .. I wanna live in my own cave..

Mom whispered while kissing my cheeks and forhead: inshala! Inshalla! Elli tabeena mekhalif .. bas la tabcheen cheeethe .. yalla 3afya 7abebtii entay goomai ikhtheelch shower oo 9aleelch rak3taain .. 7abebtii gomaii …

I nodded… : enzaain .. al7en .. al7eeen ..

للحبيب أشتاق حتى و أنا قربه ..

تاخذني الأشواق و أعيش في غربة ..

يا ليت له ميثاق ينصفني في حبه ..

و بحذر العشاق و اللي مشى بدربه ..

This song kept reapting on my head while taking the shower..

I wanted to stop crying, to stop feeling worthless & miserable .. I really wanted that although nobody believed that I REALLY WANTED TO SURVIVE, but loosing faris was unsurvivable to me.

I covered myself with my juicy towel which I wore on the beach the last time I had fun with Faris, and rushed to the living room..

Shoug: Yuma!

Mom: hala?

Shoug: I wanna pack my things and head to Julaiaa, I will live in out shalaih for the next month.

Mom: yanaitay?

I nodded: eeeeee........

54 }~

Sorry for the delay, I’m not in Kuwait!

Much love to your souls! a7bkom! :*

After 10 mins I received a text msg ..

From: Faris

“ Who’s this?”

To: Faris

“ Are you serious? It’s me shoug!”

From: Faris

“ & shno 9efatch tes’elen hal sou’al??"

Mins passed by, while I was searching for an answer to his question ..

To: Faris

“ kan 3abali enik et7bne..”

From: Faris

“ sh3arefich feeha a9lan? “

To: Faris

“ jawebnee..”

From: Faris

“ entay elli jawbeene..”

I dialed his number ..

you know when you miss someone so much and finally find a reason to talk to them?

Shoug:  alooo..

Faris:  alooo?

Shoug:  I missed you, so I entered your email, oo garait your emails .. menu ehya?

I could hear the shock in his voice : nobody.

I start losing my temper :  shloon ya3ne nobody! Sh3arefk feeha?

Faris: la7tha! Tara 3aib etdesheen emailat elnas! Mako privacy?

Shoug:  la mako bainy w baink!

Faris: DON’T “US” US! It’s me .. and you! e7na me7na couples anymore shoug, remember?

I swelled my pride while saying: eee adri! “us” as cousins!

Faris: al7een dagatle 3alashan e7na cousins? Mashalla! 9adagtch! .. anyways she’s a Moroccan friend! Ok? la oo 3endaha refeejah esemha mariam bas 3ala 6oool etdg ma etdiz emails!

he added: ooo tara ana eb mazaji ga3ed ajawbch! wela ana mo malozzoom...

I said nervously: laish etswy chethy? Ok we’re not couples anymore, bas la etkharb som3etk! Shfeek estakhafait?

Faris:  wentay shenu hamch bel salfa? Som3eete wela som3etch! Kaifi ana .. asawey elli ashofa mnaseb! Law sama7tay shoug la tetdakhelain eb 7ayate! You caused my enough drama oo ana malait!

Tears started rolling on my cheeks : Mallait? Menne? Who caused the drama to who? 3aib 3alaik faris hal kalam!

Faris raised his voice: A’9EN ENY A3ARF EL3AIB! MA7TAJ ET3ALMENE! OK?

Shoug: yeah sure wathe7 enk et3arfa.. wath7 jidan!

Faris:  fe shay btgooleena?

I nodded: ee

Faris:  khair?

Shoug:  you turned to be everything that you hated!

He giggled: hehe adri..

Shoug: shetha7ek?

Faris:  mn el7arra shoug.. madri shagoolch 9ara7a! al7en ana madri shtabeen menne! Sa3a abeek, sa3a hedne, sa3a etgharen 3alai , sa3a e7na cousins, sa3a khal netzawaj , sa3a meste3eda an6erik! Shtaben?

I whispered: salamtik.

You know the point when you lose faith, interest & respect toward someone? Love isn’t enough, I know that but there’s a level when you love someone so much & you can’t simply break the commitment and walk away because you’re too attached & you whole live revolve around them.. And to be honest I was too afraid to cut Faris off because I didn’t believe that I’ll ever have a replacement to him.

p.s: I replies each & every one of your comments .. allah ya7fthkom oo yas3edkom! <3

53 } ~

That night... I lost the track of time, since that day I can guarantee you that I’ve became the most heartless& fearless person you’ll ever meet...  I don’t have anything to lose anymore …. I lost faris, my life& my everything.

I opened my eyes because of a seveer headache, couldn’t handle the idea of telling Jassim& Nouf .. Couldn’t face the fact that “this” happened to me, to us!

I dialed his number , the 7 digits that change my aspect of life..

Shoug: “ aloo?”

Faris: “ what?”

Shoug: “ I’m not calling to tell you I have changed my mind, le’ana if there’s anyone who should change his mind fa uhwa inta.. I should be at that plane right now! “

Faris kept quite ..

Shoug: “ alooo! Fariis? “

Faris: “ na3am?”

Shoug: “ shfeek?”

Faris: “ la mafeeny shay.. bas you broke up with me yesterday & now you’re telling me ena it’s my choice to take oo ena we should be together heading to US right now! Maynona?”

Shoug: “ inta maynon!”

Faris: “ shenu tabeen al7en?”

Shoug: “ I want us.”

Faris: “ there’s not us anymore! .. it’s you.. only you!”

Shoug: “ oo inta?”

Faris: “ I don’t want you in my life anymore.”

Shoug: “ chethy ya3ne eb sahalat? Chena mako shay?”

Faris: “ if we had 0.00001% hope makent bagoolich chethe .. bas I’m hopeless! Khalas .. “

Shoug: “ it’s your choice to give up! La etges 3alay wela 3ala nafsikk wetsawy rou7k maghsoob! You choose to give up on me!”

Faris: “ roo7ay eklai shoug.. “

Shoug: “ shakel?”

Faris: “ anything… akeed mn ams ma kalaitay shay .. rou7ai ekali .. “

Shoug: “ are you serious? “

Faris: “ I have to go..”

Shoug: “ wain?”

Faris: “ away .”

& he closed the line.

I called Nouf and told her everything, she was shocked! No one could ever imagine, we were an item.. an ikon.. an unbreakable best friends & couple.

Nouf: “ oo ba3daaaaain? Shloon ya3ne!!”

I whispered: “ shloon? Mako loon! Bas! That it!”

Nouf: “ what are gonna do?”

Shoug: “ ba6eg tathkerti oo bal7ega!! “

Nouf: “ seriously?”

Shoug: “ shdarany 3annch!! Shasawey ya3ne?? “

Nouf: “ shfeech etzzifeeen enzain! “

Shoug: “ bas! La tes’eleeny as’ela ghabeya nouf! Mali khelqich .. ya3ne shenu eb eedy asweeh? I have waited for years 3alashan akher shay egolli ana ma aby atzawaj oo ana ahaly mo ratheenli atzawaj oo ana aby akammel dirasteeey! Sheno asawey?”

Nouf: “ khalas bel 6agag e6egga shoogi… eldinya mo radda 3alaih..”

I chocked: “ bas deenyete radda 3alaih nouf..”

Nouf: “ 7abeebti entay .. adri ench et7ebeenah.. bas shetsawen? Sheno eb eedich?”

Shoug: “ hatha uhwa…”

Day by day .. I wake up with tears on my eyes and pain on my chest .. I couldn’t see myself without him, I couldn’t live my life they it used to be.. faj’a nessait how my life were before everything that happened, I used to enter his email and sleep all night while I’m logged on, If felt safe.. I felt home.

Until one day, I woke up on a strange email…

From: SafiaAJ

5:01am

“ LOOOOOOOOL!  Magdar asadqik farrooooss!!!! That’s hilarious!!!!!!! :D .. okaai… miss you though! Cc yaa! “

I ran to his “sent” emails ..

From: F

To: SafiaAJ

1:34am

“ adree fech mo gadra etnameen, sorry magdar akalmch my phone ran out of battery! :* haha .. see you tomorrow!”

WHAT THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN??

I texted Jassim

To: Jassim

“ hiiii .. are you awake?”

After 10 mns I got a reply from him..

From: Jassim

“ eeeh! Shfech? Khara3teene!”

To: Jassim

“ hehe sorry! Hows Miami? Zaina? .. bas’lik et3arf wa7da her email: Safia_**@hot?”

From: Jassim

“ fine.. la walla .. why?”

To: Jassim

“ just wondering .. wesalne email menha etsalem 3alai! Thanks anyways! Enojy x “

I called Nouf

Shoug: “ HE’S CHEATING ON MEEEEEEEE NOUF!!!!!!! “

Nouf: “ meno!?”

Shoug: “ faris! Nouf he’s cheating on me with wa7da isemha Safia!”

Nouf: “ Safia? Meno safia? “

Shoug: “ NOUF!!!! “

Nouf: “ shnoooo? “

Shoug: “ they’re emailing each other.. oo wath7 men kalamhoum ena ekalmoon ba3ath on phone bas uhwa emkhalis sha7na!! nouf!!”

Nouf: “ Shoug he’s not cheating.. you’re not together anymore .. oo ba3dain yemkin ma3ah beljam3a? akeed aslant m3ah beljam3a! oo …..”

Shoug: “ la7tha la7tha! Hatha mo cheating? Embala cheating! We’re not together anymore, bas it’s not done yet! “

Nouf: “ mo eb kaifch! You are done! “

Shoug: “ 7itan louw done.. uhwa maly, mo kaifha ta5tha!” .. I took a breath and whispered : “ ok he’s not mine, bas la7ad yakhtha.. “

Nouf: “ you shouldn’t care shoug..”

Shoug: “ bss I do.. “

Nouf: “ ta7amilay 3ayal!”

& we closed the line ..

I couldn’t sleep that night, I kept thinking about Faris .. his hands, the way he touched me .. the way he smells .. how another girl could make him smile? Am I that random ena chethy yensani ebser3a? .. what’s wrong with me? We’re done I shouldn’t care… I miss his messy hair .. I miss the way he smiles .. I miss his voice .. his silly jokes.. I miss him.. I miss the way I felt safe when he’s around.. I felt pretty.. secured..

I couldn’t take it anymore ..

I texted him…

To: Faris

“Who’s SafiaAJ?”

52 } ~

Back on being the best blogger! haha .. Love you a lot & waiting for your amazing comments! xx

I wrote this post with tears on my eyes & scars on my tiny heart .. I miss you, wherever you are.

.

.

.

Shoug: “ aloo! Ha wainek? “

Faris: “ Home , last check up 3ala sheghle oo karateeny “

Shoug: “ ma wadait sheghlk elma6ar mn gabel? Low mwadeh arya7lk!”

Faris: “ la khala9 shbeqa 3ala6ayarte .. few hours ..”

I swallowed my tears : “ eemmm 6 hours”

Faris giggled : “ hehe at3ab 3ally 7asba!”

Shoug: “ waink?”

Faris: “ shfech? Getlich home!”

Shoug: “ ta3alli .. come baitna now!”

Faris: “ faj’a shoug? Ams shayfch welle gabla welle gabla! Sarlena esboo3 kelyooom emjableen ba3ath .. “

My voice starts faiding: “ la la! Ghair! Al7een bagi shwaya, 7ail shwaya! Come pick me .. bashoofk al7een al7een! Come la tanzel ana ayeelk .. ta3al! “ .. & I started crying ..

Faris: “ enzain la tabchen! Kany wala al7een ayeelich bas la tabchen! Khala9 kany bel 6ereeej! “

Shoug: “ la etgis 3alay! Im serious .. ta3ally..”

Faris: “ wala il3atheem yaylch! Kany ga3ed anzel eldaraay .. kaa sema3tay 9out elbab? .. haaa? Sema3tay sout el ingine? “

I whispered: “ ee asma3! Yala degega khal albis ayshay..”

Libast a tight cotton black dress, I wear it usually for chalet or shorts mishaweer such as jam3eya..

I went down stairs running ..

Mom asked: “ wain ray7a? laish tarketheen? “

I said while catching my breaths: “ aah jam3eya jam3eya! I need things from jam3eya .. “ I blew her a kiss while saying: “ byeeee..”

I sat on our wooden bench waiting for faris .. after few mins I saw him parking eb baitna..

The minute I opened his car’s door I felt like crying .. his smell were all over the car ..

Faris saying while cruising around the block : “ laish tsween chethe?”

Shoug: “ shno chethe? “

Faris looked at me: “ chethe! China mwa3deen .. laish et5ar3eny wet6al3ene mn baitna rakith! “

I pointed on a old empty house ..

Shoug: “ park here..”

Faris wondered: “ laish ya3ni? “

Shoug: “ esfe6 degeega..”

He parked, the second he put it on P.. I threw my self on his arms ..

I whispered while hugging him so tight: “ 3aib 3alaik etsafer!”

He said while rupping my back: “ adry qaleel adab oo ma aste7y!”

I buried my face on his shoulder: “ galbii e3awerne..”

Faris: “ shfeech 7ayate wayid met’azma! Its not the first time to me to leave .. wala etmer .. “

He felt my hot tears on his shoulders: “ I know mo awal mara etsafer, bas I thought this would be a different senerio! Kent 7asba enna at this point of our lives ra7 akoon atzahab 3ashan asafer m3ak after 6 hours! Ma akoon lamettek in your car.. kent 7a6a eb baly ina hal waqt we would be waiting for our first child, ma kent a7seb ena bakoon an6er the unknown.. an6er lain madre meta .. “

Faris just hugged my tighter with every gasp I take ..

“ enta wa3adtni eb wayd ashya oo ma sawait’ha .. sa3at a7is eny habla laish asadgek! A7iss 3omerna mara7 netzawaj.. Faris ana a7ibk .. I’m not into the marriage as an idea, but im into living with you every single day.. laish lazm at7ammal enk etsafer sentain? Laish lazm asber ba3ad sentain? “

Faris: “ shouggg 7abebti haday balch oo was3ay sadrich.. kelshay bekoon okay inshalla .. “

Shoug: “ I’ve been hearing this line for 5 years Faris!”

Faris: “ you know shelly em3a6elna.. you know ena omy oo omch mo ratheen .. laish ma tan6ereny a5alis my masters oo ayeech zaheb mako 3ether 3end ahalna ena ma yerthoon?”

Shoug: “ le’ana el 3ether el asasy mo shahadtik! You know ena malah 3alaqa hatha!”

Faris: “ el3ether el asasy enny mareth? “

I nodded ..

Faris: “ khala9 3ayal! Laish ta9bereen oo tetzawejain wa7ed mareth? He wouldn’t live to see his grand kids.. shallah 7adich? “

Shoug: “ 7adni enny a7ebkk! oo that’s not an issue to me, please latyeeb el6ary again .. “

Faris: “ shoug.. ana mo ray7 al3ab .. ana ray7 adris .. “

Shoug: “ ok adry… redni baitna.. “

Faris gave me the coldest look ever: “ aha! Mashy!”

Shoug: “ ana many yahel anymore etges 3alaiha! Khalas! Its now or never!”

Faris eyes winded: “ never!”

I gasped: “ shno ya3ne? “

Faris: “ ana el gha6an elli met7amel kel hatha 3alashanch! Ana elly ma aftehem! 3ala fikra omy kilyoom etkalemny 3anch oo ina I have to leave you oo ena ana wiyach mosta7eel netzawaj le’ana ana ya faris mosta7eel atzawaj le’ana all the doctors keeps telling us ena my hearts condition isn’t a joke at all! Its effects even my ability to have kids! Shoug kelyoom omy tgooli : la .. la .. la! Kelyoom! “

Tears starts rolling down so fast, I couldn’t feel or see anything around ..

Shoug: “ bas that’s our choice to make .. mo qarar ay a7ad thani faris .. enta ma et7ebne? Ma etmoot 3alay? Khalas ana rathya a3eesh ma3ak 7etan winta mareeth! Laish klkom msaween salfat marathek shay chayed faris? Khalas kaifi its my choice .. I don’t want kids.. mo lazm .. I want you .. “

Faris: “ kelmn e3eed wizeed eb salfat marathy le’ana you don’t seem to understand how big it is shoug .. ana elghal6an eny 7abaitch.. entay ma tadreen shkither ana mareth bas ana adry! Ana jeleel a9el ena khalaitch tet3aleqain feeny … Shog I take 14 pills at morning and 14 at night, I have the small kids white walky talky 3alashan my parents yesme3oony bellail in case my heart stopped, I have to attend check ups every 3 months .. shoug entay ma testahlain kel hal 3abala .. testahlain shay a7san menny …”

Shoug: “ so after 5 years .. you’re leaving me? “

Faris: “ no im not leaving you .. I'm letting you go..”

Shoug: “ bas I don’t wanna go! Where to go Farroosi? Where to go? Ma3endy 7ayat ella enta .. you’re my best friend & my lover .. wain arou7 ya3ne? “

Faris eyes starts tearing : “ shoug latgoolen chethy .. I’ll always be there for you .. I’ll always be your best friend .. “

Shoug: “ la etges 3alay aw etges 3ala nafsik.. etha nizalt now mn sayartek .. that’s it .. we don’t know each other .. and I don’t wanna see you ever again .. I hate you! mo emsam7etek 3ally ga3d etsweeh .. forever!”

Faris: “ shoug latgoolen chethy .. e7na .. “

I opened his car’s door while saying: “ e7na wela shay! And you choose that.. “

Faris: “ mashyy shoug .. “

Shoug: “ enta taskit wela kelma etgoolha! Im serious in this, I don’t wanna hear from you la eb khair wla eb shar .. abeek te5tfy mn 7ayate.. khalas .. “

& I closed the door and walked away leaving my heart, my best friend & the love of my life behind.

51 } ~

- Long post .. I LOVE YOU GIRLS! :***************

Days flew & Faris will leave Kuwait after 48 hours. 48 hours only.

Shoug: “ enta low tadry shkether a7ibek makent ra7 etsafer .. “

Faris smiled gently: “ la adry ench et7ebeene wayd, 3alashan chethy bet5aleeny asafir .. “

I looked away while saying: “ a7is too much an6er ba3ad 2 years, I have been waiting since .. “ I whispered .. : “ forever.”

Faris: “ Shougi  mo wagta ena netkalam eb chethy shaghlat here ib bait mama 6aiba, shoofay omch shloun et6ale3naaa! “

I said nervously: “ pls don’t put her on the middle of this!”

He smiled: “ enzain shofay ome? “

I looked around, and saw his mom reading the newspaper and peak a look at us every 2 seconds ..

I giggled: “ haha! Mo men sejhoum! .. tetwaga3 sheno 3abalhoum ga3d engool? “

He smiled while saying: “ sadqeene mo ena ga3d netnajjar! A7is 3abalhoum ga3ed enghazel .. “

I gave him half-smile while saying: “ khanghazil..”

He smiled back: “ la ta36enyy hal smile la akhleehoum eshofoon be3yonhoum shloon enghazil …”

I blushed: “ I  will miss you.. I’ll miss this!”

Faris: “ I know.. I miss you already wallah!”

I felt like telling him : 3ayal laish tswey chethe? Let’s get married and go abroad together? Laish 7a6 mawthoo3 mara’9k shay mohem? & now the masters faj’a saraw shay mohem? .. laish nan6er? She’9amenna ena kelshay beseer okay later? .. let’s do it! ..

Shoug: “ yallah! Emour elwagt enshalla .. and we have the magical blackberry.. “

He nodded: “ bethab6!”

Mom called: “ Shouuuuuuuuug.. “

He whispered:” yak elmoot ya tark el9alat…”

I giggled while saying: “ hala? Kany yayaaaa.. “

Mom asked me to call the driver and tell him to go to IKEA and bring some stuff, it’s obvious that she called me bas 3alashan mag3ad m3a Faris all alone ..

Nouf: “ shga3ed etsweey broo7ch bel ma6ba5? “

Shoug: “ saleem! 3ayazt adegla ma erd 3alai! Dagaitla mn telephone elma6ba5 3alashan ekoon 3abalah wa7ed mn elkheddam werid! “

Nouf giggled while saying: “ hehe mashalla 3alaich monk!”

Shoug: “ heheh tara nefa3 oo rad 3alai haaa! “

Nouf pulled one of the dining chairs and said: “ shofay shno feeh bethalaja! You3ana .. “

Shoug: “ laish eb teg3deen eb 6awlat akelhoum? 7aram goomai enrou7 el9ala.. “

Nouf looked around: “ mako wala khadama! Kelhoum bel jam3eya mashalla! “

I laughed: “ hahah! Sa7 sa7 3alaboona ewdoona elyahal! “

Jassim entered the kitchen : “ shetsawwon ehne? “

Shoug: “ ga3ed ne6ba5 el3asha!”

Jassim: “ la 9ej shga3d etswoon? “

Nouf: “ a7! Lay hal daraja e7na mo wyooh 6eba5? “

Jassim : “ hahah kellsh! “

Faris pushed jassim a side and asked: “ yah! Shmga3edkom bel ma5ba6?”

Nouf : “ la 7awla wala gowata ella bellah! “

I answered calmly : “ ga3d ne6ba5! “

Faris: “ ee 9a7! Wayd layeg .. “

Nouf: “ a777! tara mo 7elwa eb 7agch ella engaaal kalam qawyyyyyy!”

I laughed: “ malch sheghel feh!  Laima a7ad tries to bring you down 7eqreehom! Hatha aham shay .. yala yala 6al3ay el3aish .. “

Nouf whispered: “ la la dasha qawy! Shay a5af .. toast? “

Jassim and Faris laughed hard 3ala ashkalna ..

Jassim: “ aaaaaaakh! Hahaha .. walla bafgedkom ya m3afneeen!”

Shoug: “ wai3! M3afen inta! Shal 7ob el dafsh? “

Nouf: “ enta a9lan rou7tk m3ay aqwa compars! Derasa oo 5ala9t! sheno modail ray7 awa9la?? “

Jassim: “ shako! Awa9la oo awansa cham yoom ba3daim barou7 7ag rab3e eb Miami!”

Lafait 3ala nouf: “ walla e7na mesakeen! Egoolch bewasla werou7 Miami! 3ala asas bewasla avenues! .. aaaakh low negdar ensafir ebrou7na!”

Nouf: “ walla a9eeeeeeeee3!”

We all laughed so hard 3ala ga6at’ha ..

Shoug: “ bacher 5anrou7 elba7ar .. weddy atsaba7.. “

Jassim: “ la magdar mwa3d elrabe3!”

Nouf: “ mo eb kaifk wa3ed’houm eb Miami!! Benrou7 bacher elba7ar khalas garat oo hatha kalam akher mako raj3a feeeeh!”

Faris: “ I’m in! 3ady ma3endy shay .. “

Shoug: “ shouf! Khaaleek san3 oo sam7 methel faris! Yalla emsh!”

Jassim smiled while saying: “ eeeeh! Men yeshhad lel3aroosa! Akeed eb temd7eena!”

I blushed: “ yala 3ad! Jay come m3ana 3an elmalaqa!”

Jassim: “ ashoof inshalla .. bas tara a7medo ma ygdar 3enda emte7an .. “

Nouf: “ endizla bbm, oo uhwa kaifa .. “

Jassim: “ bas tara benrou7 side ilabraj! Mo julaiaa! Malna khelq darb!”

Nouf: “ wai3 jassom shal halaqa! Ma 3omri re7t there wela afakker! La benrou7 elshalaih 3ady .. “

Jassim: “ wala ma negdar! Eb ya5eth yoom kamel! 3al aqal ne6la3 ba7ar el9eb7 oo 3oqob el3a9er en5alli9 sheghelna .. “

Shoug: “ ana ma tafreg m3ay .. ok shway halaqa, bas ena 3ady aham shay ba7ar and jets!”

I woke up the next morning at 9 am . . I was thrilled enna benrou7 elba7ar.. there’s something between me and the way it smells, the way it feels when you eat machboos after spending  a long day there ..

I called Noufa .. : “ ha wainch? Im ready? “

Nouf: “ really? Tawni badeg 3alaich .. shno lebastay? It feels awkward ena arou7 elba7ar bel deera! Madry shyalbesoon!”

Shoug: “ 3ady! Ana lebast my DKNY black bikini oo fouga white A&F t-shirt oo vilebrequin  shorts .. “

Nouf:  “ bas? Ma albes dress ya3ne? “

Shoug: “ kaifch! Ana male khelq .. bas nousal ba6eb belly 3alay oo laima ne6la3 balbis roub oo ared elbait!”

Nouf: “ hahaha! That’s beyond halaga Shougooo!”

Shoug: “ la 3ady walla .. mn dara? Oo ba3dain rouby et3arfeena! Juicy el pink one , ma7is shakla 7ail bayen ebba it’s a towel!”

Nouf: “ eee right .. khalas basawey methlich .. yalla give me 10 mins oo ayeech!”

After 30 mns we reached abraj elkuwait.. sfa6na next to jassim’s car oo leqainahoum na6rena ..

Nouf waived: “ hiii boys!”

Jassim waved back : “ hala! Yalla come na6reenkom mn sa3a!”

I said: “ wee! Nouf nesait my bag eb sayartch! Give me the keys 3afya .. “

She gave me her keys while throwing her bag on the white plastic chair, I walked while whispering to myself:  “ ed7aaak wemla eldonya amaaani .. la ana wela inta 7a ne3shaaa’ taaany .. “

Faris said from behind: “ BOOH!”

I smiled: “ yummmaaa!”

He walked beside me while holding my hand gently: “ shoosh .. blooztch shafafa! I already can see what’s under gabel la et6ebeen ba7ar..”

Shoug: “ ee le’ana e7na belshams.. bel ba7ar 3ady its cotton talzeg bas ma etshef .. ma7is enha shafafa a9laaan .. “

I checked myself: “ ma7ess!”

Faris: “ embala shoug! What’s you are wearing ta7ta?”

Shoug: “ haw faris! Im wearing black bra .. matbayen!”

Faris: “ black? Ahh oh .. good to know the color 3al aqal..”

I giggled: “ hehhe! Ma testeeeee7yyyyyy …..”

He kissed my cheek: “ la mo mench entay!”

I blushed: “ bas 3aib e7na bel sharee3!”

He kissed it again while pulling my waist closer to him: “ mno beyye ehni hal 7azza? “

I pulled myself away: “ la la bas fashla.. “

I took my bag, and we went back to them ..

We had a blaaast, we tried everything! banana.. dount.. we swam.. Latterly EVERYTHING!

Nouf said: “ aaaaah! Thahriii e3werny mn kither ma 6e7t!”

Jassim said: “ entay kel elwaqt 6ay7a shway bas foog!”

Nouf: “ excuse me, we want this blue jetski!”

Faris: “ ana maby .. bas bag3ad barayye7 .. “

Jassim: “ me too bas malait .. “

Shoug: “ me too bas ma7ess eb jesmi kelshay e3werni .. “

Nouf said while wearing the the jet ski bracelet .. entaw okai .. entay chab! Yallaaaaaaah!”

I nodded: “ enzaaaaaaain!”

Nouf’s attitude is great, crazy and outgoing.. we had an amazing time cruising on Kuwait’s amazing blue water .. she stopped the jet in the middle of the sea ..

Nouf: “ khal arta7 shwayya .. a7is ta3abt .. “

Shoug: “ laa shakelna bayekh wi7na waqfeen eb nes elba7ar .. look at these chunky boys bel orange jet! Ga3d ekhzoona!”

Nouf: “ ta3abt ne6raaay! Bas 5 mns .. eedy namelat!”

I nodded: “ enzain bas yallah! Shofay faris shloon ekhizna oo ekhezhoum!”

Nouf: “ way shoug! Al7een hadaitay kelshay oo jabaltay el sbayyan oo ena wujod’hom beza3el faris? Yala kaaa! “ she pushed the ON button & the engine didn’t work ..

Nouf whispered: “ shfeek? “

Shoug: “ what? “

Nouf: “ madri ar3as on ma yeshteghel! Mako wela reaction!”

Shoug: “ yalla 3ad nouf! Maytha7ek… “

Nouf said nervously: “ WALLA!!!!”

The orange jet ski starts coming closer & closer to us ..

Stranger: “ ha yal 7ilweeen? “

I whispered: “ 6a3 6a3! Walla babchy!”

Nouf said : “ mayeshteghel!”

Stranger: “ ok asa3dch bas ta5theen raqmi awal?”

Nouf ignored him while telling me: “ madre shasawey! Shloon eshaghloona? Em3alleq!”

Stranger: “ yallah! E5theeh oo asa3dch wa3ad!”

I felt terrified, he could do anything feena with a blink! oo ma7ad eb yadri 3annah, Faris & jassim could see 2 jets yam ba3ath esolfoon! They couldn’t see malame7na 7ettan .. we we’re small black dots..

Stranger: “ yallaaah la etaa3bene e5theeeh .. “

Nouf: “ I won’t call anyway! Mala da3y a5tha! Sa3eedna pls!”

Stranger: “ e5theeh for now ba3dain fakray.. yemkin marra etrou7en fish market oo tathkereennii wetdegeen .. “

I whispered to her: “ shoot me!”

Nouf: “ waaay! Shoof eli ehnak 3al yal! They’re my brothers! Bas khala9!”

The stranger said: “ shda3wa etzfeen! Push the button twice oo re39ay hatha elsooda on the side .. “

Nouf did what he said, and it magically worked.. : “ ok thanks! Eshtaghal .. “

We went back to the shore.. Nouf said the minute we touched the shore: “ ta5ayeeeeeelaw!”

And said what happened exactly with all the details : “ way way e7uuuur!”

Jassim replied: “ eeeh ana w faros ga3d netnaqash enna shfeekom waqfeen! Ebn elkaalb wala mayeste7y.. “

I nodded: “ ee kellsh!”

Faris gave me a cold look: “ la tan6ereeni a3allq.. male khelq atnajar..”

I smiled: “ a7san khal kella malk khelq .. “

Jassim: “ yala bye ya banat .. yemkn mashoofkom gabel la asafir..”

Shoug: “ salamtik .. come back ebser3aa “

Nouf waved: “ yalla bye.”

50 } ~

enzain oo ba3dain? .. lay meta? .. it have been years & nothing between me and Faris has ever changed, ya3ne meta e9eer elli baina rasmy? aw at least our families’ etaqbloona? .. I though loving your cousin would be a piece of cake! Welle 7abeenlihoum nas mo mn mwa5ethhoum! Shloun?


Nouf’s voice interrupted my thoughts: “ shoush”

I mumbled: “ shno? “

Nouf: “ za3altay 3alai right? “

Shoug: “ laish az3al men kalam el9ej? “

Nouf: “ 3ady agoolch shay? “

I nodded .. : “anything.”

Nouf: “ bas you’ll support my choice mahma kan? “

Shoug: “ I guess!”

Nouf: “ Bader .. “

Shoug: “ meno bader? “

I remember him .. and added: “ aaah! The bader! Shfeeh? “

Nouf: “ I still love him .. so much! More than anything.. “

Shoug: “ yeah .. shetsaween bas? “

Nouf: “ he told me ina he’ll divorce morta very soon, ina ohwa mo merta7 wiyaha oo enaa .. “

I interrupted her : “ kelhoum egoolon chethy! Matshofeen fouzya eldrai3? ya be6aleqha ya bekawin nafsa! Mako chethba thaltha!”

Nouf giggled : “ hehehe adry chathab bas ana aby asadga! “

Shoug: “ please nouf, you deserve much better!”

Noufa nodded while saying: “ eeeeh… adri… bas galby 3ad shyaqne3a..”

I smiled: “ he will.. belnehaya ghasben 3alaih he will..”

Nouf: “ eee I know , do I have another choice a9lan? .. yallah honey I have to go home.. bas nizzalt 3alashan achayek 3alaich .. “ she half-hugged me while saying : “ entay ekhti, that’s why I tend to push you hard wallah!”

I hugged her back while whispering: “ ya 3omriii..”

After she left, I took a quick shower drank a warm cup of milk and tucked myself into bed ..

I checked my mobile, there was no msgs nor missed calls..

Should I call Faris? .. naaah ..

Enzain 3al aqal text? .. I thought to myself..

To: Faris;*

I stared at the screen for at least 5 mins ..

“ basek za3al.... ”

After 10 seconds I sent

“ I didn’t do anything wrong 3alashan tez3al!”

Shfene chethy aziffa?

After seconds I added ..

“ la ya3ne mo ena maghala6t .. bas mateswa elsalfa kel hatha .. “


“ ok shfene? Bas don’t take things too seriously! Ma teswa elsalfa tara .. “

shfene ghabeya? I thought to myself .. god! bada3t!

“ ok goodnight. “

After 10 mins I felt my mobile vibration ..

From: Faris;*
“ 9a7ya entay?”

To: Faris;*
“ mo daiman.”

From: Faris;*
“ LOOOOL! A7bch!”

To: Faris;*
“a7bch bas?”

From: Faris;*
“emm bas..”

I smiled while typing..

To: Faris;*
“ ana ba3ad .. a7ibk bas.”